Lost

Living a Contract ☘

A desire to live when you are dying is a scary thing. That is when your life actually starts to matter, that is when you fear death and that is when you know you didn't want your life to end just then.

Living with Jeremy for a week made me greedy.

As promised Jack met me after two days without any serious injuries. But he left saying he will be back after cleaning up things from his end.

Since then I have been living with Jeremy in his house. He was not being the gentlemen I read about in books and didn't offer me his bed so naturally, I was sleeping on the really comfortable couch. Ash kept his fridge stocked with fruits and stuff and also some necessary things for me.

While he woke up every morning, went jogging, had a glass of juice and some fruit, took a bath and followed his monotonous routine to work. He returned back at abrupt timings whenever his shot was done but he never slacked in training me. We decided to keep weekend off after I begged since I needed rest from all the training in the week.

I spent my day relaxing for the first time in my life. I watched television, slept, ate and did nothing. I requested Ash to get me some books since both Jack and Jeremy forbid me to step out of the house and frankly I didn't want to. 

For just this once I want to lie and do nothing.

Jeremy kept his talking to me minimum and I realized his life was super busy.

One night I did ask him if I was annoying him or the reason why he was ignoring me and his answer made me shut up.

"Magenta, I have never lived with a girl in the house for this long and it is really hard for me to adjust to your presence. But if I start talking to you and getting attached, it will be difficult when you leave. I know what happens when people leave from your life."

It was early Saturday afternoon as I sat down on the sofa near the window. I sat down with my knees lifted up and my chin resting on it. Jeremy was gone for some early morning shot and I was done with breakfast and bath. I was wearing Jeremy's t-shirt and boxers, since I had nothing of mine and Jeremy, refused to buy me sleeping clothes while he bought me everything else.

I said I didn't want charity and here I was living in one. Today was a selfish day for me.

I bet we all have those. On some days we are kind and think, I will let others be happy, buy something for someone and a deep quote makes us smile and think.

And then there are days when we are despicable. We roll our eyes on some meaningful quotation, feel selfish and do things for us thinking about not giving a damn about other, things like emotion aggravates and we hate anyone and everyone able to find some shortcoming.

I was the latter today and I knew why. Today I was scared of dying. Today I wanted someone to know and make my last few days less miserable, help me make a bucket list.