My secret

Chapter 2

I woke up the next day to Matt sitting at the end of couch. He looked over at me as I woke up. Well good morning he said with a smile that made me go warm inside.

Good morning I replied sitting up fully. I checked my phone to see if I had any messages. Nothing to important showed up.

I was scrolling through my Facebook when Allie finally came out bedroom. She was still in her pajamas but of course she was still beautiful.

The feeling was back again and I looked back at my phone.  Morning honey he said to he giving her a kiss and pulling her into his lap. I rolled my eyes and just ignored them.

They were kissing for a bit I could feel myself hating being there more and more. Finally they broke apart and they were smiling at each other.

We might want to stop Melanie I think is getting grossed out Allie said. Allie has been there for me my whole life she is like a mom to me. And Matt can be like a dad but I don't call him that because of how I feel.

I'm fine I said laughing you guys are married I said plus you love each other to death. She is right I do love you to death Allie he said kissing her again.

I decided to put my headphones in and listen to music.  Music was an amazing escape for me it helps me clear my head.  I can't help how I feel but I wish I could with every fiber in me.

So Melanie anybody in your life right now Allie asked me. I could have sworn I seen Matt tense up for a second but I knew it was in my head. Nope after my one ex I wasn't really looking for someone knew.

The only thing that Matt and Allie didn't know is my ex was abused me. He left some bruises external and internal I've kept that to myself. I don't know how to handle it at times but I pretend that I'm okay.

I've got really good at faking that I'm fine. Melanie you okay Allie asked I didn't notice I had stated crying thinking about my ex. Yea I'm good I said wiping my eyes I need air I got up and went out to the porch.

The porch overlooked the beach I could smell the salty ocean air. That was a comfort to me I looked at the water and just enjoyed hearing the waves crashing.

Matt came out a moment later hey he said to me. Hey I said back still looking at the water I don't want to look at him. What's going on he said you tell me everything tell me what's wrong.

I can't I'm fine though I said with a weak smile. I know you better than that tell me what's wrong please. I sighed deeply I knew he wouldn't let me walk away till I talked.

It's about Jimmy I said looking over at him. What did he do he said sounding angry but was trying to not show it. While we dated he left a few bruises on me. He never hit me he just squeezed my arms or legs when I would say something he didn't like.

Or if I was feeling depressed or upset he would get mad at me for it. He didn't like that I was cutting as well which I know isn't a good thing to do but the thing is a lot my cuts were because of him.

I looked over at Matt and I could see the anger in his face. Are you still cutting he asked looking at me. I turned away from him at this point because I was. I just shook my head and he sighed deeply.

I really want you to stop he said it's not going to help. As for jimmy don't worry about him I'll handle it he said. I'm sorry I said trying not to ball but I was already crying.

Hey hey hey it's okay he said hugging me tightly shhhhhh calm down. It's going to be okay I'm here for you don't be afraid to tell me things. He hugged me tighter again don't worry about this.

I finally pulled out of his hug and looked back at the water. What are you going to do I asked Matt don't worry about it just know it will be handled.

Matt went back inside I didn't tell him that sometimes I cut after I see him. Mainly it's cause i can't tell him how I feel. I know I should but I can't. My wrist got the feeling in it that made me want to cut but I fought the urge.

I went back inside after a little while and Matt was in another room on a call. I'm going to take a shower I said to Allie going into my bag and picking out something to wear.

Okay hun let me know if you need anything. I grabbed my shower gel and my razor blade as well. I had the razor in my hand and just kept standing there staring at it. I felt someone take it from my hand after a few minutes.

I looked and it was Matt he took it and held it. Go get your shower he said softly to me. I walked to the bathroom and started the water for my shower.

I sat on the floor of the tub with the water hitting me for awhile. Just felt good to have the water run down me and not move. I finally stood up and finished my shower.

Once I was done I put on the outfit I had picked out. It was a black tank top with a butterfly on it that flowed with a pair of shorts.

I came out of the bathroom and into the living room. You feel better now that you've showered Allie asked me ? Yes I said I do feel a lot better which was a total lie. Her and Matt were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie.

I sat down in a chair away from them. My bag was next to the chair I reached in and grabbed my book and decided it's time for me to get lost. I like being lost in a book takes me out of this world and into another.

And right now with them being all cuddled up to each other and I wanted to escape and pretend like I wasn't here. 

I started to read my book and let the words take me away.....