My secret

Chapter 19

My bag was packed and I was ready for my weekend I thought to myself. I was mentally double checking my check list in my head. I checked my phone and I had a message from Jordan.

Jordan- hey I was wondering if you wanted to come with my the gym tommrow I have an appointment with my trainer....

Me- yea sure sounds like fun :)

I grabbed some workout clothes and put them in my bag. I could use a gym I thought looking at myself in the mirror I'm not beautiful at all. All the sudden there was a razor in my hand. I kept looking at myself on the mirror.

And seeing everything that is wrong with me. My face my hair my belly just everything and I cried. And cut my right wrist 4 times. I dropped the blade shocked at what I had done. When my door opened and Matt was standing there he just looked at me. I was sort of zoned still looking in the mirror and crying. He took my hand and pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight.

Shhh he said as I sobbed into his chest. Let's get you cleaned up he said to me as we headed towards the bathroom. He cleaned up my wrist I flinched a couple times but he was done after a fe minutes. He pulled me into a hug again for some reason this time he didn't seem mad like the other times. He seemed more concerned than anything as he hugged me tightly. I had finally calmed down and regained my composure.

Want to tell me what happen he asked looking at me. I sat down on the edge of tub and took a deep breath. I looked in the mirror and all I could see is everything that is wrong with me. And how I'm not beautiful and how I'm not worth it and how I'm fat and how know matter what I change on me I won't beautiful.

Look at me he said kneeling down in front of me. I didn't want to look up at him but I did , he pushed my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. Trust and believe this I think your so beautiful and smart and wonderful and I wish you'd stop hurting yourself he said looking at my wrist.

He looked back up at my eyes with his beautiful green eyes. I think your amazing and I would do anything for you I care so much about you Melanie don't ever think your not worth it. Because your worth more than you can see and I love you to death he said pulling me into a hug.

I hugged him back tightly and cried into his shoulder. It's late he said you should get some sleep he said. Okay I stood up and headed to my room I know I won't see you before you leave tomorrow cause I have to be at work by 6 in the morning. Just have fun at Jordans house and don't be afraid to call me if you need something he said. Okay I won't and you have a fun weekend as well I said with a smile.

What does she have planned he asked me. She has a lot planned that's all I know said goodnight now I said starting to walk away. Nope get back here he said grabbing me around my waist and pulling my close to him.

In that moment I wanted him to just kiss me but I knew it wouldn't happen. He spun and made me face him our faces were inches apart he let me go quickly, spill it he said quickly.

All I can tell you is we went shopping at Victoria's Secret today I said. Well what did she buy he asked me raising an eyebrow. See just like Victoria I'm going to keep that a secret I said smiling and walking away with that.

I went to my room and climbed into bed turned on friends and fell asleep. I woke up in the morning to a noise I heard. I crept out of my room and went to the living room and saw Allie and Matt kissing before he left for work. I can't wait for tonight she said kissing him again.

Me either he said pulling her closer to him and kissing her. I get to spend time alone with you the love of my life she said it will be nice. Yea it will he said holding her in his arms I got to go baby he said kissing her again.

I crept back to my room and closed my door. I laid down in my bed and pulled the blanket up to my chin and closed my eyes tight. All I could see was then kissing in my head and his arms around her and how much love he has for her.

And not that I wanted it to but it breaks me inside. I guess I drifted back to sleep at some point because my alarm went off scaring me and waking me up.

I sat straight up in bed and looked at my clock it said 8am. Time to get ready since he will he here at 9 to get me. I took a shower and got dressed into a pair of cute black sweatpants that said pink on them. And  a sky blue tank top I looked fat but that's how I look in everything I thought.

I had put a bandage on my wrist and grabbed one of my black gloves to cover it up. I grabbed my bag and headed out my room. Hey Jordan just pulled in Allie said your timing is perfect she said laughing.

Yes it is I said laughing she was wearing black sweats I knew she was waiting to get ready. Alright I'll see you in a couple days I said smiling have fun I laughed and don't do anything I wouldn't do I said.

The thing is what wouldn't you do she said crossing her arms across her chest. Bye I said laughing and going out the door I saw Jordan climb out his truck and come grab my bag.

I got into the truck and Jordan put my bag in the backseat. Let's go he said climbing and starting the truck and music came through the stereo as we headed to the gym.

You can do whatever he said while I train just stay safe he said. I will I promise I said with a smile. How's your wrist he asked me looking at my cast. It's good don't hurt I said just don't over do it at the gym please he asked.

I won't scouts honor I said doing the scout sign with my
Right hand with a smile we pulled into the gym. What happen there he said seeing how I had my right wrist covered nothing I said a little to quickly.

He looked at me weird I knew he didn't believe me but he was going to let it go for now. We got out of the car and headed into the gym.

Hey Allen he said to his trainer as we walked into the gym. Hello Jordan he said shaking his hand this must be your girlfriend Melanie he said.

Yes it is he said smiling nice to meet you he said extending his hand to shake. I shook his hand nice to meet you as well I said. Well she is going to look around while we train Jordan said.

Okay that's fine just becareful Allen said .  Allen was he was tall about 6'5 and built had a good amount of tattoos his ears are gaged but not overly. He had black hair blue eyes and olive complected skin.

Well let's get started Allen said Melanie just take it easy please Jordan said. I will I promise I said giving him a quick kiss before he took off.

I looked around the gym and found a punching bag after awhile. This should be interesting I thought while staring at it..... I also knew this was a bad idea....