Standing on my own Sequel To A New Life CSI MIAMI fanfic

1.

A week has passed since that awful outburst in H.'s office and at Cal's lab. I didn't have the courage to come back there and look them straight in the eyes. I lost myself working too hard and Alexx-wonderful Alexx- let me do it. I had a lot of paperwork too. She told me that it's crucial to write good reports so I practised a lot
I hired a small condo in the suburbs and placed all the things I had.Not much I must say but I didn't care. It was enough.
Actually working so long placed me back on the couch- not in the break room, as the morgue workers didn't stay there for the spooky nights, but in Alexx' house. Her husband Jeffrey was out on the conference for two weeks , and asked me to stay with Alexx and the kids until he returns. I knew that it wasn't just care for his family but also a trap for me. I was grateful though, cause I had close to work and Alexx cared for me like a mom, so I gained 3 pounds in one  week. I was seeing Eric sometimes, going to work; he called me just after the conversation but I just couldn't face him.I didn't respond to that call letting him record on my voice mail. I haven't listened to the message yet. I felt like I disappointed them in many  ways. I felt desolated, so I devoted myself to work. I also attended shooting range- practised shooting and maintaining the sidearms and also the present regulations. I read a lot of my scientific books and - well -there wasn't too much time to think, which was good.
Tomorrow I'm going to meet the CSI I'm assigned to- I hope he's going to be OK. I don't want him to be nice, I don't need friends,  just be competent enough to teach me something I somehow know. I've heard this person is a nightshifter ,so it will be easy to avoid Eric and Calleigh.
Alexx is supportive as always. Doesn't talk to me much, doesn't mention them or the situation between the 4 of us, just stands next to me.
I'm sure she's talking to them about me. I don't mind, I suppose. As soon as I don't see them around it's ok.
Actually I'm doing finest as it can be in this strange situation. I'm taking Alexx' son to school and help her daughter with the biology classes- I remember quite a lot. I started going to the gym too to keep myself in shape after a weight loss. At the moment I'm feeling much better physically. So as everyone can see my day could have 48 hours and I would still be busy.
I'm getting paid more now as I brought my diploma back from Columbia. I drove to NY to get it again for the procedural reasons. I was passing my father's restaurant- not even peeping, as I probably wouldn't recognize him at all. I never considered meeting them or even calling them. Not yet, not ever. I went to the cemetary one evening- the gravestone is still there- I guess is my role to remove it but I'm not ready yet. I saw fresh flowers there but couldn't think of anyone knowing me, who could put them as everyone knew I'm alive for a long time, and my parents weren't aware of my divine resurrection...
I found my old motorbike- still can't ride it as I have to take some driving lessons ,but still lack time.
Well, I guess I'm coming back to normal now. Do I miss them? My Miami family? Yep. I do. Very much I must admit. But it's like stealing from your own parents and being caught in the act- you can't face them afterwards.
Alexx made me to go to the therapy- as my superior- and I am going there next week. I was never a 'talking-too-much' type, so I'm feeling nervous. It's a PTS specialist, so it's gonna be 'great' I think...However that's the regulation and I must obbey.
I bought some summer clothes- I still didn't get used to the heat. I went to the beach twice to get tanned a bit - I really look like a tourist on the spring break. I hate too many people around, so twice must be enough.
Friends? No. Colleagues rather. Nice people here at the morgue. They've heard about me but didn't meet me actually before, sometimes seeing me passing by, but no connection. I see it clearly now- morgue workers are invisible people. That's fine with me. I work with Alexx, doing the transportation, fill the documents, writing the reports.
I also prepare evidence for the CSIs. I know that they are sometimes taken by Eric or Cal- I checked the list and there were their signatures under the 'Speedle,T' I write everytime I seal it. That's a bit sad it's our only connection now, but that's the truth- I'm just a coward and it's only my fault.