Vacation With My Cousin

49 : The Explanation

I don't know. I don't know what I have gotten at iyon na lamang ang naisip kong paraan.

It was raining a long time ago when we were in California. Matapos kong malaman na ampon pala ako ay kinausap ko si Mama Vina -- she told me everything -- even about my sister.

I asked Lucho if how was Anastasia going but instead of answering me he knelt down and reconcile his sins about what happen to him and to Tasia.

Nasaktan ako but I forgave him. I forgave him because I love him at nasaktan ako dahil para lang kaming nagshare ng kapatid ko .

Too much surprises? Yes, Anastasia is my sister, biologically. Tinanong ko muli si Lucho about her but he answered me she left -- she flew to Mexico. And that's when mama told me na doon sia lumaban sa Mexico -- our Leukemia is an hereditary disease. Ang totoo ko palang papa ay namatay na dahil doon. I was so full of information that day.

I prayed a lot. I grieved. Wishing that I'm not the next one but as soon as we arrived Philippines doon ko nalamang na laman na may tani na pala ang buhay ko.

I don't know what to do. Ayokong iwan si Lucho. Mas mabuti na iyong saktan ko sia para iwan nia ako, but was my reason is too low and nonsense? Mukhang mas kaya ko pa yata na iwan na ako ni Lucho than seeing him na iwan ko sia.

I told mom and dad about my sickness. Iyak lang sila ng iyak. Hindi ko din masabihan si Kuya Chaos o kuya Charm sa sakit ko dahil masyado silang abala. Dadagdag pa ba ako?

Maybe, the accident was a blessing in disguise as what they called. Before everyone could visit me nandoon na sina mommy't daddy. I told them what to do. Ang babaw diba? I didn't even told my mom about the retrograde amnesia.

Sinabi ko sa kania noong malaman ko na walang magsasabi kay Lucho. The first plan was to use Stephen. Stephen again. I'm such a user! fuck.

But I end up using my brother and it's a whole lot of a mess, I know, and it's too incest!

"Ch..Chant, just .. just woke up and I'll forget Casey! Hindi ko na sia hahanapin pa.. Just please Chant. " naalimpungatan ako nang may marinig akong iyak. I thought it's Lucho again but it's not -- it's kuya Charm. I was shocked dahil ngayon nia lang ako binisita.

"K-Kuya?" I moaned. Napatungo naman ito sa akin. "God! Chant, akala ko kung napano ka na! Kilala mo pa ba ako?" tanong nito sa akin. Instead of answering him, I cried.

"K-Kuya.. I -I l-lied.." I told him everything -- that everything is part of the plan B -- and that is to make Lucho mad at me and stay away from me.

"K-Kuya.. I have a terminal leukemia.." Napahagulgol na ako. I seek for his help at salamat na lamang at ginawa nia. I can see from my peripheral vision how intently Lucho was looking at us.

"I'll do anything for you baby," I smiled as he held my hand "Thank you. " He stood up and gently kissed my forehead, kasabay ng pagpikit ko ng mariin ay pagtulo ng luha ko at kasabay ng paghalik ni kuya Charm sa gilid ng labi ko. He arched hos back so that it'll look like he's kissing me. Minutes later, I found dad scolding them like a child.

Napaiyak na lamang akong napaakap kay ate Leigha when kuya Charm told Lucho words that would make his heart shrink.

Matapos ang pangyayaring iyon, nakabalik na ako sa bahay at siguro talaga hindi na ako gagambalain pa ni Lucho. It's for good.

But then one day, I was talking to Dra. Helena -- my doctor. A friend of dad -- kahit it means of taking her license, she still took up the risk. Binayaran man sia but she deserved a price. I called her to say my Thanks. We talked about the retrograde amnesia but I wasn't expecting that kuya Chaos will heard it.

And unfortunately, Lucho heard everything.

He said he'll leave, he'll stay away. Because he wanted me to be happy. I wiped my tears as I looked at him walked away.

Wish granted, Chanty. Thank you for loving me Chaos.

I leaved and fly to Vancouver, Canada. Trying to be one of the leukemia-fighters. Nakapag-sorry na ako sa lahat ng nasaktan ko, siya nalamang ang hindi. How can I? He's said he'll stay away.

Lucho's right. "I'm stupid."