A Series Of One-Shots [REQUESTS OPEN]

The Beauty Of A Quiet Place

Original story - 2012

Boyxboy. Warnings for death and mourning. No sex!

2006

Silence. That's all there ever is. Every moment in time. That's all I will ever hear. The deafening silence that constantly fills my ears. But at a time like this I am grateful for the blockage between the world and I. The image of the people in front of me is too much. I can't hear the cries of happy birthday. I don't want to. And yet, I plaster the biggest smile I can on my face and will myself not to run out of the room, no matter how much I felt the urge to do so. The sea of faces in front of me are closing in, a large wave crashing into the shore washing all those in its path away. My little sister snaps me out of my daze as she latches herself onto my waist, jumping up and down happily that I'm surprised by the whole surprise party arrangement.

I didn't know it was my birthday today. What am I? Seventeen?

"Happy birthday, Seb!" I read Lucy's lips. I smile down at her and ruffle her soft brown ringlets. I have to pretend to be thrilled about this. For Lucy. My baby sister. The one person in this world that I couldn't let down even in my darkest of times. Then she is pulled away and I am swarmed by relatives, all nattering on words that I couldn't hear. They all knew of course. Everyone knew. Even people I would rather not to know. I had to give them credit. They were upholding my wishes. I have never wanted anyone to act as if I was a special case. Just me. Just normal old me. Like nothing had happened. They were probably instructed to talk to me as normal. But this is overwhelming. I can't read these many lips at the one time. I see Lucy behind the swarm and she gives me a little wave. That is the only thing that stops me from screaming and darting from the room. I don't dare speak, in fear of my voice cracking and myself bursting into tears. Turns out that I wasn't going to be the one crying that day. A woman I haven't seen in years barges herself through the people and latches herself onto me and begins to sob. I patted her back awkwardly. She pulls back and looked at me full on in the eyes, tears streaming down her own face.

"I'm sorry," I read her lips.

No she's not. None of them are. They're sorry that he died, yes. They're not sorry that I'm deaf. They never are. They just want him back. Hell, I want him back more than they do. I'd gladly give my life for his. It's only right. But depressingly, the world doesn't work like that and you cannot trade one pitiful life for another one that has passed.

As his mother's eyes water in front of me my chest feels tight, as though I'm the fault at all of this. I take a gulp and try to find the voice that I haven't used for talking in years.

"It wasn't your fault," I hope it came out with some essence and volume. I assume it did because her mouth gaped and she is escorted away from my weary looking father of another. A sense of relief washes over me. I can't handle crying.

The party continues for three agonising hours. All three of which I spend in the corner of the room with Lucy on my lap, repeatedly playing out nursery rhymes such as incy wincy spider as she said them. She giggles as I tickle her and I suddenly stop, feeling a pang in my chest. Her laugh is a sound I miss terribly. I remember it being funnier than the actual thing she had been laughing at. Lucy smiles at me and I give her a tight lipped smile back. I can't ruin this on her can I? So I grin and bear the whole ordeal, even blowing out the bloody candles. Around three hours later the party ends and mum brings Lucy with her to drop some people home. I had just indicated that I need sleep, when in all reality I just can't bear to be around people.

I retreat to my room and stand in front of my full length mirror, I scream at my reflection. The image of a lanky boy, with wild dark brown hair that falls across his face madly and blue piercing eyes stared back at me, screaming as I was. Balling my fists together I yell until my throat grows tight and I feel my voice cracking.