The Chaos Of Breakdowns

4. Concealed Pain

I smile through the tears welling up inside me

*

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I am hiding my scars too hard,

Fearing someone would look through me.

They will see my insecurities,

They will know about the way my heart bleeds.

Some dark secrets i hide inside,

Also about the times i hopelessly cried,

And the amount of betrayal i went through.

One day they will see that i am a mess,

People always left me no matter how much i stress.

They will know that my humor is just a dress,

Covering up the hurt i felt.

They will know that i am not as tough as i look,

But also not as fragile as they mistook.

They will peek through my facade,

Knowing how many blows i took.

To the point where i have no hope left,

The way my trust was harshly broken

Or when i was mercilessly used.

It will hit them that i am not worth it,

They will disappear, leaving me confused.

I fear, i might kill their happiness like i did my own.

I also fear being judged for my weakness.

And when they get to know how my nights are sleepless.

But i mask those feelings,

i just hide my pain.

does that make me fake,

do i have to take that blame?

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