Rebels Never Smile

June

June: Liar Liar

Yesterday kept replaying in my mind. I shiver remember the feeling of longing between us, when he held me in his long arms. When his huge hand caressed my small delicate one. I belonged in his arms. I knew it. He knew it. We both knew it.

Morning went by quickly. Dad had to honk his twice for mom to yell at me and I hadn't even touched my food. I was too deep in thought to notice how quiet it was until Dad broke the silence. " Hey baby." He smiled at me. Startled, I looked at him wide eyed. From the rear view mirror his expression changed. " hey what's wrong? What's troubling you?" I smiled at him. " Dad, I'm great! I feel happy and I'm overjoyed. I could sing but I doubt you'd like it." He raised his eyebrows and laughed "sing? Oh boy, your mother was quiet a singer and you look just like her." And he looked at the road before making eye contact with me. " How bout we sing together?" I snorted " what? Sing? Dad I can't sing, I said I COULD sing." He chuckled lightly and said " Honey, I bet your voice would take anybody's voice away."

Dad dropped me off at school and I got out with a huge smile on my face. I met Hayley, Val, Sky, and Lady in the hallway. I missed them although I saw them yesterday. I hugged Hayley, Val and sky and Lady with a handshake she taught me. It's how they say hi back in Hawaii. Hayley noticed my joy and whispered low that only we could hear. " Hey June, spill the details right now." And that caught everybody on. Val said " What is it?" And Sky shook her head and said " no honey, it ain't 'what'... It's ' who'". Lady was about to talk when I interrupted her. " Guys, I don't know what you guys are talking about." I said in denial. " I haven't been talking to no one and you guys would know if I did. I had thought about this. Lady wouldn't be happy with me being in a relationship with the guy she had a crush on forever. Wait... Did I just say relationship??

" Hello?" Lady said waving her hand in my face. I smiled at her and pushed her hand out of my way. Hayley was growing impatient and she said " Hey, come on. We your girls. We ain't gonna be mad. We ain't. " and everybody else nodded in agreement. Reluctant I shook my head. " It's not that I don't trust you guys, believe me. I just... I don't know. This person is the worst person in this world." And although it stung, it was true. " And it's nothing. I feel nothing towards him. He's just this guy I'm toying with, there ain't even a possibility of us getting together." And saying that hurt me. I turned around and closed my locker while the girls yapped about how I am so conniving . I turned to close my locker when I see Elvis behind me, leaning against the wall and he looked very handsome. He seemed to be wearing some very expensive looking clothes but they definitely said something about him. He wasn't looking at us but he was in earshot and he heard everything. His eyes were ice cold blue and his eyes were moist. And they were overfilled with hurt. I couldn't say anything because I didn't want anyone to notice. He straightened his shoulders and walked away while never changing the expression on his face. Somewhere, hidden behind his sad expression, there was some sort of relief.

Not running after him was like someone was holding a rope around my heart and squeezing it. Knowing he was hurt, hurt. But what made me feel even worse was watching him walking away. My breath quickened and I was insanely worried. Should I talk to him after school? Should I talk to him during class? Should I go to his house? Ok, scratch that last one because I don't know where he lives. I mean I know but like, I don't know which door he goes in.

He never showed up to class and I didn't see him anywhere. I couldn't find him anywhere. I couldn't wait for school to be over and today had been the day we present our Romeo and Juliet skits. Mrs. Wallace looked at me and the empty chair beside me and shook her head. She looked at me with pity and said " June, I'm sorry but I can't give you a grade because your partner isn't here. Now, you know that no grade is a zero right?". I sighed. Defeated, I just leaned back on my chair, nodded and looked down. I didn't even blame him.

Later that night, I went outside. And I stood by my door waiting for him. Maybe he went home or maybe he went somewhere. It was late at night, around 12 when I see him, in his neon pink top and bright blue suede shoes. His shirt was soaked and he was walking slowly.

I wrapped my jacket around me and I walked to him, and I called his name. He turned around and his face was wet. From sweat or tears or whatever, I don't know. His droopy eyes now dark in the dim light was still cold and how it grew colder when it saw me, I don't know either. I came arms length by him and he absolutely reeked of alcohol. The smell was strong enough for me to tell he was drunk. " Why'd you drink?" I asked, nothing else in my mind. He looked away and softly spoke " what's it to you? You ain't my mama and you ain't nothing to me either." Each word hurt me like a whip across the face. Only worse. " Look-" he broke my sentence by grabbing my hands and he shook me hard. " Don't talk to me. Don't even look at me!" And he sat on the ground. I quickly wiped away the tears of shock and hurt. I squatted down to his level. "Elvis" I began. " What's going on in your mind?" He stared into the dark and he said " For a moment, for the first time in my life, there was someone who I really cared for. Someone who was everything I wanted. And all I wanted. I broke down my walls and let down my guard for that person. And that person hurt me so bad, I can't stand it." He whispered every word.

He put his hands on his head and stood up. I got up too and he just like himself, he put his hands in his pockets and walked up the stairs. Almost as if there was a barrier between me and the stairs, I couldn't follow him. My feet wouldn't allow me to.