Magnus Chase Oneshots!

My Retelling Of Thor's Wedding!

(This is just going to be from the third person POV because I didn't want to write all the thoughts in Loki's twisted brain.)

Thor had lost his hammer (again) and was complaining about it in the great hall as all the gods feasted on their dinners. Loki knew that Thyrm had the hammer and told Thor that, which made him angrier. Thor couldn't think of a plan and almost gave up. Not being the smartest god in Asgard, he asked Loki for help. Sure he could be a bit of hassle sometimes and was full of trickery, but he did get me his hammer in the first place, so he figured he would help. Loki, being mischevious in his ways, agreed to help and told Thor he had a plan. Thor said he would do whatever it took to get his precious hammer back, which Loki took to heart as he announced the plan. You see, this hammer was important in keeping all the giants in check. The hammer was the only reason the Giants haven't beaten Asgard to a pulp yet. Loki was in cahoots with Thyrm and Thor, making sure they both got humiliated in the process. Loki used Freya's Falcon feathered cloak to fly to Jountheim to see what he could find out about Thyrm and what he would want in return for him giving the hammer back. His demand was high priced, but with a little bit of trickery, Loki knew it would all work out.

"Thyrm, the giant, has Thor's hammer, Mjollnir, hidden deep within the grounds of Jountheim, and the only thing he wants in exchange for it is Freya's hand," Loki told all the gods and goddess after were done eating.

"Come on then," Shouted Thor, his voice booming like loud bangs of thunder, "He only wants one of her hands, she has two! She only needs one hand!"

Freya was obviously not happy about any of this. The gods and goddesses were shouting, talking over each other and fighting. Many of the goddesses thought Freya should keep her hand, and that they should find another way to Mjollnir. Most of the gods were shouting as Freya that she could always get a new hand. Loki was laughing to himself as the stupidity of everyone.

"Hey everyone!" He shouted, "Thyrm meant her hand in marriage, not her actual hand!"

Which made Freya even angrier. Everyone was voicing their opinions loudly, the goddesses always being favor of Freya, the gods being all in favor of Thor. 

"You can always divorce him!" Shouted Tyr, the god of law and justice. 

"I would never even pretend to marry such a scoundrel as Thyrm!" Freya proclaimed, "He is a nasty giant of all things!"

All the gods and goddess fought with words until words were not enough. They were about to go all out with their weapons when Loki, with a smug smirk on his face, announced he had a perfect idea. Everyone waited for him to say his idea silently, each and every one of them hoping it didn't involve them. 

"I say we dress up Thor as Freya," Loki says, just loudly enough for everyone to hear him, "Thyrm says he won't give up the hammer until the night after the wedding, as a morgen-gifu, but we could request they use the hammer to bless the wedding, and they have to bring it out and bless the wedding with if the bride requests so all Thor has to do is dress up like Freya,  get to the wedding, ask for the hammer to bless the wedding, take it, kill everyone, and boom, you get your hammer and Freya has to do nothing".

The room is silent for a couple of seconds before Thor speaks up, "But that would be argr! I would be an argr! I do not want to dress up in a wedding dress, no matter how nice!"

But somehow Loki charmed him and Thor agreed to do it. Thyrm told everyone that the wedding was in two days, but said the only goddess/god that could be there is Freya. All the other gods and goddess only wanted to see Thor in his wedding dress, but Thor cursed at every one of them and told them to shut up. Loki told Thor that he would be his bridesmaid because he could easily transform into a woman. It may be easy for Loki to become a woman, but making Thor look like one was even harder. All the goddess teamed up to make his dress and veil with magic that would him look like a woman for the times being. The goddesses, especially Freya, had fun dressing him up and laughing at him as he tried on the different combinations of dresses and veils.

 Soon enough the special day came when "Freya" got in her chariot with her "handmaiden" and they rode off to the wedding. Because Thyrm was a giant, and a cave giant of that, he had the before the party in a hall connected to a humongous mountain side. Thor was nervous but Loki wasn't. He was silently laughing the whole time but trying to hide it from the grumpy Thor. Thyrm was at the entrance to the cave, waiting for his bride to come. They landed next to him and Loki smiled his famous seductive grin.

"I am Freya's handmaiden, um, Lokia, and here is the beautiful Freya!" Loki said in a higher pitched voice than his own that came with his woman stature.

Thyrm didn't know why his lovely Freya didn't speak, but her handmaiden said she was just very nervous. So they went in there feast hall for dinner before their wedding. Thyrm wouldn't have been suspicious of Freya, it's just she had such a large appetite. She ate three oxen, two cakes, five chickens, three chickens, and eight huge cups of mead. A normal woman doesn't eat that much and as Thor who was pretending to Freya ate, Thyrm watched suspiciously. 

He asked Loki pretending to the handmaiden, "Why is the lovely Freya eating so much food?"

"Because she has been fasting," Loki lies quickly, "Before a wedding it's customary for a woman to fast".

Thyrm believes this lie and goes on with the dinner. Now right before the ceremony started they told Thyrm they had to have the wedding blessed by the hammer for good luck. So after pulling it out from deep underground, and placed it on what he thought was Freya's lap, Thor abruptly killed everyone and walked away unharmed. Loki was unharmed too, but he couldn't stop laughing at Thor for actually dressing up in a wedding dress.

The End.