Smol Fry | Hercules X Lafayette

C h a p t e r T w e n t y t h r e e

{Sorry I was gone for ages - I was in Ibiza getting eaten by mosquitos and showing off my vague knowledge of Spanish. And if you haven't seen that video ^^, watch it, it's actually the sweetest thing I've ever seen.}

Herc's POV

"Ten thousand bottles of milk on the wall, ten thousand bottles of milk. Take one down, pass it around nine thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine bottles of milk on the wall... Nine thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine bottles of milk on the wall, nine thousa-"

"GUYS," I shouted, addressing Al, John and Thomas, "Please stop..."

"Nine thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine bottles of milk on the wall..."

For the last half hour, we had reached the motorway, and were at a standstill. We'd seen the traffic situation coming, but not this stationary. It didn't help that one, the only scenery there was were the other cars, two, we were in the car with tone-deaf singers, and three, Laff and I had to share a goddamn seat. I had no problem being close to him or anything, but when you're next to two la,rge suitcases and only have a tiny window, it's a little difficult to handle.

"Mon ami, s'il vous plaît, do not think I'm being rude," Laff whispered - he didn't actually need to whisper because of the incessant screeching overpowering his voice, "But I don't think I can last a car journey like this."

"The suitcases, or the three Jacob Sartoriuses we seemed to have acquired?" I replied, causing us to chuckle quietly in the back.

"Both," he giggled. Honestly I don't think I've ever related to someone more. It then occurred to me that I didn't actually know how long we'd be locked in a seven seater.

"YO JEFFERSON!" I shouted instantly stopping their song - when I shout, it's usually hard to tell whether I'm mad or not, and if you're around me when I'm mad, you've got a death wish, "HOW LONG ARE WE GONNA BE STUCK IN THIS CAR?"

"Errm... Like, a long time."

"AN EXACT TIME?" I was taking advantage of how I had to shout for them to hear me in the back.

"I guess something like... If we're going all the way over there..." He began to talk to himself, as if he was trying to solve a math problem, "About five hours... Probably. Maybe closer to eight if the traffic is this bad... AND THIS IS WHY I ARRIVED EARLY TO BEAT THE TRAFFIC, AND LOOK WHO HADN'T PACKED. YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU!"

"T-Thomas... Calm- calm down please," Madison whispered, trying to calm his raging best friend, "I-It's better if you don't g-get mad..."

"Sorry Jemmy, you know how much I hate driving in traffic," he apologised quietly, but loud enough that we just about heard the nickname. I swear there was something going on between those two. I'd given Thomas relationship advice... Perhaps he took it. After all, I managed to bring so many couples together it was amusing: John and Alex - yep, that was me; those two guys who were in my English class in high school - Jeremy and Michael; Peggy and that one girl... I think her name was Zoe (that included hacking into her Tinder); and many other couples who are together now.

Funny how none of my relationships lasted.

It was getting close to an hour in the car, and the fact that we had only moved a metre was starting to agitate everyone. Jefferson and Al were literally at each other's throats. If it weren't for the fact that one of them was driving, I'm pretty sure we would've seen bloodshed. Madison, the poor guy, was having a violent coughing fit, gasping for air whenever he could. John was counting cars, because he's John. Laff was curled up on my lap looking seemingly dead inside.