Smol Fry | Hercules X Lafayette

C h a p t e r F o r t y s e v e n (The final chapter)

Herc's POV - slight TW about deep thoughts

I visited a lot, usually three times a day, sometimes sleeping in a chair next to him. John and Al came a lot, even Aaron sometimes; he had something in his eyes whenever he looked at Laff that I couldn't put my finger on. One day, we left the hospital together, Lee was there, and he gave me a subtle nod, Aaron hadn't told me what was going on between them, and I don't think he was going to.

I'm not sure if Laff's mom really cared; he always joked about the fact she wouldn't attend his funeral, but I had a feeling it wasn't really a joke in the end. She didn't make any efforts to contact the hospital, she certainly didn't have any money to spare. His grandmother was distraught: she had no money to fly over, or to spare for the hospital fees. There wasn't really anybody else.

It'd been like that for the past two weeks. Coming to the hospital, sitting, contacting people, smiling, supressing my emotions, contacting more people and fearing the worst. I can't describe how bad it feels to live your life like it's a broken record - repeating the same thing over and over again. There's a feeling that's slowly chipping away at you, but you're a tough guy, and people won't seriously believe you're hurting. The ones who do feel too close to talk to, so you push them away. Bottle it up.

I think the hardest thing was that I couldn't feel anything, not even hatred. I really fucking wanted to blame Lee, but deep down, I knew it wasn't his fault. Reynolds, who conducted the entire game, had just disappeared, there was a rumour about some shit he'd done a while back, and that he'd left before it was pinned back to him.

So, there was nobody, except myself. There were three voices inside my head - one said that it was my fault, one said that I was saying that for attention, and the other said the whole thing was just a plot to be selfish. There's always someone in a worse position than you. I was well aware that thinking like that wasn't healthy, but I felt like a burden, and it broke my heart because I realised that's how Laff felt too.

Even though it sounds cliché, you really don't appreciate people until they're gone. For all you know, you could end on an argument, or without telling a secret, or without saying I love you.All of this combined was a tiny bit too much, I guess that's why I sat and didn't talk to anyone... I was just surrounded by all of those shit feelings.

God, I was doing it now.

John and Al had gone out to 'Target'. It took a good half hour of sitting staring at the TV remote, with no intention of using it, that I realised they'd probably gone to escape the house. A small 'smile' crept onto my lips; it really was quiet when you were alone with your thoughts. My eyes rested on the spot where the Christmas tree had been; we had some sort of table there which now resides in the kitchen - nobody ever bothered to move it.

Everything was kept the same, and I hated it. Reminders of how normal life should be, when it really isn't. There is a huge problem, and it's being blatantly ignored. Well, at least I had a change.

My thoughts were interrupted by a plate with pop tarts on, fucking pop tarts of all things, and a small kiss on the cheek. A pair of eyes met with mine: I couldn't read their expression, but they were warm and honest, and didn't deserve me wallowing in grief.

"I really need to get over it, don't I?" I sighed with a dry chuckle.

"I think so," was my patient reply.

Then, there was silence, not necessarily uncomfortable, but not one that could be considered pleasant. The sofa sank down a little, as I was joined to sit and think... just think.

Once again, a pair of eyes met mine, desperately trying to get through to me - I wasn't helping. There was a small sigh, and few hesitant blinks, whilst the eyes tried to read my blank canvas of a face. I'm sure, as they looked into mine, it was like staring into a void. A hand tried to reach mine, and I'm  sure I wouldn't have even felt it if I hadn't looked down.