Will We Ever See the End? (Fransykes)

The Storm

In those moments that I sat there crying in Austin's arms I thought of even more reasons of why I wasn't worth it.. I was a bother to Austin, I mean his life would be easier right now if I wasn't here. I was worthless to Josh, I mean fuck he proubly never loved me. Who could forgive an... "incident" like that so quickly? My Mum and Dad hated me, they have since my drug days... When I was on a path to self destruction. As for the band... I have had a feeling for a long, long time that they don't want me around. And if I was dead they could finally get someone else, and get even more popular. I guess the only person I haven't thought about yet is me. How would this effect me? I would be dead. Thats how. Is that what I want? I've wanted that for a long time. Will I be able to live with this choice? I won't have to. Can I go through with it? Yes. I can, and no ones going to stop me this time.

"Hey Austin?.." I whispered

"Yeah Oli?" He whispered back

"I think I need to go talk to Josh, sort some stuff out." I sighed.

A complete lie.

"Will you be okay?" He asked

"I'll be fine" I smiled at him.

Another lie.

Austin helped me out of the bath tub and gave me a fresh pair of boxers to change into. After he left the room I quickly swapped them out and waited for him to come back.

"Are you decent in there?" He chuckled

"Yeah.. But I'm freezing my balls off, mate" I replied

Austin just laughed and walked in with the clothes for me and started towel drying my hair like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Do you like messing with my hair and dressing me? Am I your human Barbie doll?" I questioned

"Yes. And if you're not quiet I'll chop all your hair off and draw on your face, like little boys are supposed to do with dolls" he mumbled.

I just sat there and let him mess with my hair while I stared at his tattoo's. His were beautiful and and pretty and had so much meaning. Unlike mine. My tattoo's were ugly and faded and had scars all over them. God I hated my scars. I brought my finger up to touch Austin's scar. The one that saved his life. I touched it carefully, with the tip of my finger as if I would hurt him if I added anymore pressure. I looked up at the Roman numerals that spelt out his wedding date with a whore that cheated and treated him like shit. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Austin didn't deserve that, he didn't deserve any of that! He was a amazing person and life treated him like he was as bad as me. It made me angry. Not at Austin, or at life, but at myself. I was so weak, so selfish, I couldn't make it through a break up when Austin had delt with divorce and losing his mother  and having a broken heart. Both literally and mentally. But that just made me want to end it more. Wipe the earth clean of my pathetic existance.

"Don't cry Oli,  it means nothing anymore. Our scars don't define us, remember?" He smiled, wiping away my tears that I hadn't realized were there.

Austin pulled his shirt over my head, it was a little big, but it was also really comfy and warm. After he got his shirt on me he put the jeans on for me, no matter how many times I told him that it was unnecessary. After a lot of complaining and whining about not being a child he put my shoes and socks on me and he let the water out of the bathtub.

"looks like you're all set Mr. Sykes"

"Thank you Austin, I love you mate" I said wrapping him in a tight hug

"I love you too Oli, and if you need to come back for any reason, we'll be here." He said giving me a kiss on the cheek

I ended the hug and said a quick goodbye to Alan and Austin, walking out the door and trying hard not to get to wet while I made my way to the bus. I got inside and found a pen and paper writing down a quick goodbye.

"I'm sorry guys, I really am. I love you, I hope you know that. I love Austin and Josh too, I hope they know that as well. But I'm begging you, don't try to save me. This is what I want. This is the end."

I grabbed my phone, my three blades, a bottle of vodka, six different bottles of pain killers and Lee's insomnia meds. I sat down on the floor of the bus's bathroom, pulling down the borrowed pants to my knee's, exposing the uneven and scared surface of my thighs. I decided to kick off my shoes and throw them out of the bathroom for the pure fact that they were uncomfortble. I grabbed the blade that I remembered to be the sharpest that was already a gross redish brown color from my dried blood. Ya' know It's truly horrid what these things were used for. I mean when I was a child playing with my fathers razor and pretending to shave, or shapening my pencils in school, never in my wildest fantices did I ever think that I would one day be slicing my skin open with them looking for a release. For a way to get away from the feelings and conflicts going on inside me.

I made a deep cut into my thigh, going from my knee to as far as I could go up without my boxers getting in the way. I made another cut and another, all smaller than the first but still deeper. I moved to my other leg, cutting into my flesh again, feeling it tear beneth the object in my finger tips. I stopped for a moment and watched the crimsion red blood spill from the deep incisions I had made on my body. I grabbed the bottle of pain pills, taking six and a couple huge swigs of vodka. I picked up my blade again and moved onto my wrist, cutting deep into my arm and hitting my vein. I let out a small gasp as I watched my blood leave my body. Red. The ground All around me was red. I took another handful of pills, not bothering to count this time, drinking down half of my bottle and loving the putrid burn as the liquid ran down my throat. I cut into myself again and again. There was only one way out. And I was almost there.

I picked up my phone and went to my music, turning on Loverboy by You Me At Six. If I had to choose the last voice I would ever hear, it would be Josh's. I turned the volume up as high as it would go and tossed my phone to the ground. I can feel death now. It's just moments away. I'm so close I can taste it, or maybe that's just the vodka on my lips and tongue, but either way... I welcome it.

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Well..  I lost inspiration for all my story's but I have found it again! I hope you guys liked this chapter.. I feel bad about it but well.. you'll see what happens next chapter c: oh and I changed my name from Disasteroligy to AskingAustinCarlile so that will be my sign off thing from now on. Byyyyeeee!  I love all of you handsome guys and beautiful girls! ♥♡

~TylerCarter4L