The Sun, The Moon and The Ocean

chapter sixteen

● above is a photo captured by Cooper rather impressively after Sophia and he stepped into the ocean●

COOPER HAD DECENTLY guided me to the cemetery, and when we arrived, my heart started to ache. It happened so quickly, Cooper's expression of jubilation and satisfaction had faded into one of melancholy and elusiveness. As much as I wanted to comfort him, tell him that it was alright, I knew that it wasn't my place to. Cooper was dealing with something I could never understand and I knew this was something he had to do for himself. 

When I cut the engine, the air was filled with words I couldn't fit into a sentence. Cooper lifted his hand in search of mine and when I gave it to him, he squeezed it quickly then let go. A few more moments, he popped open the door and gently jumped out. 

I waited a few moments to follow him, turning to Sydney and petting her softly on the head, "I think he can do this on his own, Syd." Her furry ears relaxed, then she walked her paws in a circle then laying down on the seat. I smiled, knowing she understood.

Quickly after seeing how far Cooper had walked on his own, I cracked the windows open for Sydney and hopped out of the car, locking it as I jogged to catch up with him. "Coop," I said almost breathlessly once I reached his side, "Do you know where you're going?" He hummed in response and I noticed how his stride was different from his usual one. His shoulders were slumped, his steps were smaller and he seemed to be looking at the ground. "It's been a few years but when you come to a place like this, you don't tend to forget it." He finally replied with a low voice.

I just nodded.

The cemetery was small and green, palm trees shaded the tombstones and the grass was freshly mowed. A white picket fence lined the perimeter, it almost looked like a place of welcoming instead of goodbyes. Some of the stones rose up high with large lettering and some laid flat on the ground with soft cursive. I wondered which one Cooper's family chose for Ava.

Cooper tapped the ground with his white stick trying to find the right way to go. His feet dragged against the stone dotted walk way and the stick was slightly shaking in his hand. He was hesitant but I knew Cooper well enough that if he didn't believe in himself, he would stop. He continued along the path, I inspected every step and the stones around us. I had never experienced a death personally, at least one that struck my heart down. I never had to dress in black and put on a brave face during the drive to the ceremony. I never laid flowers onto the ground. 

But Cooper had, probably countless times, mourned and cried over someone he had lost. It must have been an uphill battle for him, one that still continued since he blamed himself for the death of his little sister.

My heart ached, but I couldn't imagine how his chest felt as he stopped and turned to the left. He tapped the grass and then reached further, feeling a short stone. He gulped and dropped the stick onto the ground. I peered to the stone and sighed shortly.

"Ava Wilson. 1997-2002. Daughter, A Shining Star. Death By Ocean."

A wave of sympathy washed over my body and a lump formed in my throat. My breathing became harder to execute, I glanced over and noticed that Cooper was in the same state as I was. I reached over and danced my fingers up and down his back attempting to tell him he was safe and that it was okay. 

For awhile, we just stood there, and I let Cooper compose himself. Finally, he said something. "Hi, Ava," it was soft and raspy, he wiped his hands on his jeans. "It's been uh, about five years since I've come to see you. But I'm sure you weren't lonely, I know Mom and Pop pay you visits frequently. Last time I spoke to you was the last time I spoke to them." He coughed lightly and adjusted his body. 

"But I'm here now," he continued. A few moments of silence, then again, "I finally touched the sea for the first time in fourteen years, ever since that wave took you with it," he sniffed, trying to fight back the tears. But soon enough, they starting falling on his sculpted cheeks. I started tearing up as well, but I couldn't let him detect it. "This amazing girl Sophia helped me out with that today, bless her heart," he spoke, slightly turning his body towards me then back. I smiled softly. 

"Thanks to her I was able to finally over come that fear, Ava." His eyes watered and I spotted a single glistening tear. I fought my urge to step toward him and hug him, it hurt to see Cooper cry. I wanted to protect him from anything that would make him do so, but I resisted. "When I touched that water, I relived the five years of your life in my head. I remembered the sound of your laugh, the softness of your gentle skin and your love for the ocean."

Sniffles and hard breaths then, "But I didn't know you loved it so much you could drown in it."

It was like a dagger punctured my heart. "I am so sorry that I couldn't see you, I am so sorry that I sent you out there. I am so sorry that you had to leave this earth so quickly," Cooper sniffed a couple times then started chuckling painfully and looked up to the sky. "But I know you're up there, Ava. You're part of the sun and every day you soak into my skin and give me the strength to live with my head up high. The sun is the only thing I've felt, thanks to you."

He adjusted his head so he was looking down to Ava and I could slightly see the small curve of a smile on his face. "I've never felt the moon before; however, ever since Sophia came into my life, I think I have," He muttered, not even twisting his body towards my direction. I watched him with wide eyes and felt my heart beat. "I don't think she has ever really felt the warmth of the sun shine on her, so she comes alive when no one is looking. Especially when she paints, oh Ava, I wish you could see them. I wish I could too, I bet they're as breathtaking as she is."

My eyes started to sting as water swelled up once again, I couldn't believe what he was saying. "She may not know it, but Sophie is my moon. She shows off her light in the dark and that's where I need it the most. My world of shadows doesn't seem so bad when her skin touches mine. She is so much more than she gives herself credit for." 

I still fought back the urge to go touch him and hug him and thank him. My heart was melting. And he still continued his affectionate speech, "And since you make me the sun, Ava, and Sophia is the moon. I guess her and I are the ocean together. I felt on top of the world when she took me into the water. I felt as if she and I could tower tall and crash down powerfully if we wanted to. She makes me feel strong, Ava. She makes me feel bright."

Now I could see tears streaming down his face but that smile was still there. The same thing was happening to me and I quietly murmured, "Cooper."

"And I think I might have hurt her. I told her I couldn't give her what she's looking for because she deserves someone that never allows her to doubt herself. But she's all that I want and more."

As I reached for Cooper's arm, my heart smiling and my eyes wide, he said, "So, Sophia, do you wanna try it out? You want to be my moon, and together we'll be an ocean?"

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

hey guys!!! i apologize for the kinda late update, i got home later than i thought i would and had to search for a picture for this chapter. i had a hard time writing this one bc i wanted it to be perfect and really tug at the heart strings and i think i executed that! it was also hard to write bc we are like one or two chapters from the end of SMO!!! I'M BOTH SAD AND RELIEVED. 

thank you so much for reading! leave a comment and a vote!

-nicole robinson (: