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Chapter 16: Bounce Back

Chapter 16: Bounce Back

"Here's another tip, young padawan, always borrow money from a pessimist because he will never expect it back," Uncle Jeffrey jokes.

Hence me borrowing money from Jay Taylor, the biggest pessimist known to mankind.

I laugh as he hops onto the kitchen counter even though Grams made it explicitly clear to not get her counters filthy. She will literally find your fingerprint if you so much as dare mess in her house. She has a magnifying glass and everything, just ask Gramps. Once, she freaked out about a fingerprint, meanwhile, it was hers all along.

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man," Jeffster tells another, teaching me in his ways.

Uncle Jeffrey is the brother of my father and the first child of my grandparents. Unlike his little brother, Lars, Jeffster is somewhat sensible. He is nothing like my father. I can actually relate to him. I'd live with him if he didn't travel so much.

I turn to my gramps and send him a wink. "So that's why Grams is not successful in life?" I tease, only for him to glare daggers at me.

When Jeffster chuckles, Gramps turns his wrath on to him next. He's never been a fan of the bond between us as it's virtually unbreakable. We get along so well and Gramps tends to get jealous when we don't pay him enough attention. It gets to the point where he feels so left out that he tries to crack a joke in an attempt to fit in. It's sad really, really sad.

Gramps does exactly as expected - he's just that predictable. He sticks his hand up all too willingly and jumps up and down despite being old and frail. "Oooh! Oooh! I have one!" Gramps yells a little too enthusiastically. "My back!" he shouts soon after, holding his back as he crunches over in pain.

I motion for him to go on, expecting the worst. I've become a pro at feigning a laugh here and there.

"How do you get a sweet little eighty-year-old lady to say a bad word? Get another sweet little eighty-year-old lady to yell 'bingo'!" Gramps throws a fist to the air. "Booyah! That's the real reason why your Grams isn't successful in life, you titfaces!"

I can't help but burst out laughing. For once, it is exceptionally good. He pulled it off. Even Uncle Jeffrey, master of jokes and pranks, claps for Gramps. It is rather impressive, to say the least, and judging by the way Gramp's eyes brighten, he too is impressed with himself.

My proud impression of Gramps doesn't last long and burns out like a dying flame when I hear a shrill voice roar from behind:

"Howard!"

You hear her before you see her. The trick is to show no fear. She can sense weakness. She is less afraid of us than we are of her.

Her wrinkly face appears before we are forced to watch her whack Gramps upside the head for his comment. "You vulgar old man! I am only unsuccessful in life because I married a ninny!"

Relationship goals. Old potato goals. True love at its finest.

"Oh shut up, you old batty hag! You would be nothing without me!" Gramps retorts, infuriated by her presence. It's not often he stands up to her, so, of course, his bravery catches me by surprise.

Grams just got told.

"What?" she asks, cupping a hand to her ear, having genuinely not heard.

She's a deaf old geezer. The problem with being deaf is that when one thinks they're asking a question in a normal tone of voice, they are in actual fact screaming in a high-pitched voice, deafening everybody else in the process.