Sudden Love (Old Version)

Surrounded by darkness

Justin Bieber

Do you ever feel like your life is a broken record?

You keep replaying the same thing over and over again but you still try to work through it no matter how hard it gets.

That's me, I go through the same thing over and over again for every single day of my miserable life but no matter how hard it gets I push through each day slowly knowing that I cant give up because of my mother, my mother is honestly the only reason that I am still on this earth right now, I just feel like I cant leave her even though it would probably be better for her.

I once heard a quote that said 'Never be bullied into silence and Never allow yourself to be a victim.' but I have done exactly that and I cannot do anything about it now.

I am a disappointment to everyone, my mum, my dad, people at school, god and most of all myself.

There is an icebox where my heart used to beat, I am cold hearted, I feel dead, my soul is dead and I am just an empty space of person.

It's like I'm stuck in one place and I just keep going around and around trying to find a way out but there isn't one and so I start to give up trying.

I am surrounded by the feeling of being melancholy and despondent.

Remember that black hole I was in not to long ago?

Well it has returned and I have no idea what I am doing, I know that I am in school and i know that i am going to the right classes and everything but I'm not following what's going on, I'm not paying attention to the people that are surrounding me.

I cant see them, It's like my glasses are blurry, I can see out of them but I am not seeing if you understand what I mean.

Right now it's lunch and I'm sat in my usual spot behind the school just staring into space with my legs crossed and my hands in my lap and looking at the sky where I wish I could be.

I would like to say that I will be ok but that is just what people want me to say, it is what they want to hear.

Really, I am drowning in this black hole and no one can see me struggling, I am not so strong anymore and I just want to leave because it's hard waiting around for something that isn't going to happen.

None of this is ever going to end and the only thing that is making me know that I am still alive is the pain.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being sad.

I'm tired of pretending that i am ok. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of feeling stuck.

I'm tired of feeling crazy. I'm tired of needing help. I'm tired of remembering. I'm tired of being different.

I'm tired of missing things. I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'm tired of feeling empty.

I'm tired of not being able to let go. I'm tired of dreaming. I'm tired of me.

I am simply tired of being tired.

People tell you to be yourself but you judged for being the person you want to be.

My mum say's that she cares about me, she cares about how I feel, she cares about my health, she cares about what happens to me but what's really sad is that I don't care about what happens to myself anymore.

They say that it is sometimes better to be alone because no one can hurt you that way but that isn't true because I'm alone and still hurting and I wish I was enough for someone but I'm not.

I used to fear being in the darkness that I am in right now because I always liked being in the light but right now it feels good and I know it probably isn't good that I am letting myself drown but there isn't anyone to save me.