Sudden Love (Old Version)

Distress

Justin's pov

I cant believe that I admitted to Jason that I actually liked him, that was a difficult thing for me to do because well I'm me, I have no confidence, I'm scared of everything and I just admitted that I liked my ex bully.

I was sat at the end of the mattress on the floor just looking into space thinking about things while Jason and Demi slept cuddled up to each other since I left the middle of them, they rolled over and tangled their limbs together, it was actually really cute.

Sighing, I stood up and made my way to the bedroom door, opening it quietly and then shut it behind me walking down the hall.

I don't know why but I couldn't sleep I have had a little sleep and I am exhausted, but no matter what I do to try and sleep nothing is working, walking down the stairs slowly while holding onto the banister, i finally got to the bottom and made my way past the kitchen and out to the back garden where me and Jason sat earlier.

The amount of emotion he has been showing me lately is weird to see because the only emotion I ever saw him have was anger, but now he cries and he's always happy and bubbly just a completely different person in general.

As I thought this, I plopped down on the grass looking out into the sunrise that was almost fully up, the sight of the sun and the sound of birds chirping made me feel at peace, just a little bit, I laid down flat on my back and just looked up at the sky with squinted eyes letting out a much needed long breath of air.

So Jason really likes me huh?

It's funny how things can change so quickly, he has gone from completely hating my presence to wanting to be around me all the time, It's a weird feeling knowing someone hated you to the point that they wanted you dead and then all of a sudden they like you.

Yes it gives me a lot of trust issues and a part of me thinks that he's just playing a game and it's all going to come back on me, he will laugh in my face saying he was joking and everything was a lie, but then another part of me knows that he isn't lying and he has really changed because I don't believe that he would go through all this trouble just to make a fool out of me.

I know deep down somewhere in my heart that he likes me for real and I just need to come to terms with the fact that he isn't joking or playing a trick on me to humiliate me, but my brain doesn't function that way.

I know that there is something different about me, I know that I have depression and people think self harming is bad but I don't believe that it is as bad as everyone thinks it is, I don't believe that it is something that I need to go to rehab for.

Out of nowhere the thought struck me that I hadn't cut in a few days so I immediately got to my feet and looked around the garden but couldn't see anything.

Now panic was settling upon me because the feeling of needing to tear at my flesh was becoming obsessive, I looked back at the house and noticed that all the lights were still off so I quickly walked back in and went to the kitchen.

My eyes widened in absolute glee as I saw knives hanging up on one wall of the kitchen and I practically ran over to them, picked up the sharpest looking knife and wasted absolutely no time placing it against my arm and slicing let out a low sigh at the missed feeling of it.

I breathed in and went over to the sink so that I didn't get any blood on Demi's floors and slid the knife across again closing my eyes and doing it again and again, that was until i was disturbed.

"Baby, what are you doing up?"

My eyes shot open and I started to panic, dropping the knife into the sink and turning my head to look at him trying to act normal but that was pretty hard when he is standing right there and my arm is bleeding.