A Slayer With Wings

Nine

"Evangeline, you fucking whore!" I shout.

She purses her lips and smirks at me, holding a sack of flour. Then, she haves the whole thing on herself.

"There. Now we're both white. Ready to fly?"

"I'll get you for this," I snarl as I unfold my wings.

She soars into the sky, and I join her. We both try our best to stick to clouds, in order to not get seen easily, and I heave the sack of flour along, just in case.

Evangeline's right next to me as we soar along, beating our wings to the wind...and presumably, we beat a lot of flour off ourselves too.

"What about our clothes?" I complain.

Evangeline sighs and ducks into a tuft of cloud. "And you call me a spoiled brat. Come on! If I can do it, you can too!"

"Fuck~" is my reply.

After what seems to be an eternity, Evangeline dares me to eat some cloud.

"Easy," I say and grab a piece. It melts in my hand. "Oh yeah. Clouds are made from water vapor."

Evangeline flips open her phone and navigates. "The pier is over there," she points.

Oh. I see.

"Race you?" I say with a grin.

"Threetwoonego!" Evangeline shouts and soars.

I beat my wings as fast as I can and give chase.

I feel like a motor. My wings barely support me as I plummet towards the pier, almost catching up to Evangeline. I stop beating my wings and let myself free fall.

Slowly, as the air current whips me, and it feels like my face is about to come off, I beat her to it.

Pro: I reach the pier before Evangeline does.

Con: I badly misjudge the position of the pier and nosedive into the Green Sea.

As I plunge into the murky, icy waters, I sink down...down...down. I hold my breath and paddle my legs, waiting for the water to shoot me back to surface. As soon as I come out of the surface, coughing and spurting water, Goodie shouts, "I AM GOODIE PAN, SAVIOR OF THE WORLD! TAKE THIS, YOU CLOUD MONSTER!"

Too into character, Goodie, I think as Goodie throws a banana peel at me. I take a deep breath and plunge down to duck.

Goodie empties an entire trash can to 'defeat the cloud monster', and he gets a fine for littering. Trixie takes one look at the fine, rips it up, and shoves it into the poor copper's mouth.

"Mrrph!" complains the cop.

Trixie looks innocently at him. "If you don't want it, you can just say no! Eat it!"

Oh, Trixie being Trixie.

I grab my backpack, thankfully waterproof, fireproof, iceproof, bladeproof and pretty much anything proof, and hurl it onto land in order to not weigh me down. Evangeline laughs at me. "Oh Orson, aren't you charming."

"I won the race."

"Yeah," she agrees. "But I got the last laugh."

I pull myself near shore, where she is, and grin evilly, like how I've seen in comics. "Let's see about that." I grab her ankle, and pull her into the waters as well.

She screams as she falls into the water.

"Man up," I tell her.

"Orson Goldbloom, you bi..."

"One, Angel Cake, you need a lesson or ten on swearing. Two, I'll assume that you're trying to call me a bitch. Three, I'm not a cute little puppy, get your eyes tested."

Kevin and Trixie help drag me onto dry land, shortly before helping up a soggy Evangeline. Well, Trixie wasn't willing at first but Kev insisted.

Finch tries to hide a smile. "Orson."

"Yeah?"

"I ship you two already."

"Bad pun," I reply with a shrug.

Kevin points. "There's a public bathroom over there. Get showered, and get changed. We'll wait for you here."

Angel and I don't race this time.

As soon as we're done, I feel like I can break the world record for hurling Satan as far as possible. That I would have loved to do. But instead, Goodie yells at me.

"WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME A STOOOOOOORY!" Goodie screams.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" I shout. "Dude, chill."

"I WANT A STOOOOOOORY!" he screams.

I make a slapping motion at him, expecting him to duck, but instead, he doesn't, and I end up flinging him into the water.

As soon as he's down, he bobs up and down and up and down and up and down. Oh yeah. Goodie can't swim.

Without hesitation, Kev strips off his heavy coat and launches himself into the water. A few moments later, he's got Goodie in his arms. He gently places Goodie on shore, and climbs back up (with a little help from Trixie), dripping wet.

"Orson, you heartless monster!" Evangeline shrieks.

"Now hold that sentence! I can't deny, I am a monster, but I'm not heartless. I have a heart, except for the fact that it's black as coal."

Evangeline just rolls her eyes.

We decide to rest for a bit and spend the night in an inn room near the Blue Woods. There are five beds in the room (Trixie turned down hers, since she doesn't need to sleep), and after a rough night, I'm relieved to be sleeping in an actual bed, not a sleeping bag that smells like sour cheese and a bucketful of ten-day-old-shit. Until I find twigs and leaves on my mattress.

What the fuck?

I grab a fistful of the stuff and hurl it out of the window, then proceed x100 to get all the stuff off. And then, I realize that I'm holding a note.

Miss Orsin,

Y did U push me into the sea? Go awai! Me hate U! Fuk of!

G0odiE

I roll my eyes. I'm better off if he stops bothering me with stories. And heartless as I may seem, the only thing I care about is the little shit's spelling. He's about as good as a carrot.

Sighing, I roll over in bed. I throw the stupid note away, and fall asleep.