Thirteen and a Half

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(Goodie POV)

Yay! Hooray! Yippee!

After visiting the historical monument of the metallic drakon footprint, as Miss Orsin calls it, we are all very excited to see what happens next.

An exotic display of a lump of poopoo the size of a house.

Wow.

We once again have to take samples, but I will not take samples! The poopoo is smelly and bad!

"Drakon droppings?" suggests Miss Evanilla.

"Or maybe a dragon," replies Birdie.

I refuse to help them. Mommy said that poopoo is very harmful and dirty.

"Goodie, help us!" calls Miss Evanilla.

"No! Poopoo is bad!" I shout.

"Yates, get your ass over here and give us a hand, or else!" shouts Miss Orsin.

"Poopoo Monster, I am Goodie Pan!" I shout, before running at the poopoo. "Take this!" I launch myself at the poopoo monster, and kick it with all my might. Instead, I land on the monster, with the hideous poopoo all over my clothes.

"Ew!" I shout. "Get off me, Poopoo Monster, or I will hit you with my spear of doom!"

I grab my spear and hit the Poopoo Monster over the head with it. "Ha! Take that, you Poopoo Monster!"

The Poopoo Monster stares at me with its evil eyes.

"You are evil!" I shout as I spear the Poopoo Monster right through the heart. "Hear my name and bow down to me, for I am Goodie Pan of Neverland!"

Next to me, the Big Bad Angel, Miss Orsin sighs. "Great. The little shit has disfigured the shit. Did anyone take a picture beforehand?"

Everybody else shakes their head, and Miss Evanilla says, "Orson, no swearing!"

Miss Orsin always says he doesn't give a shit, and he doesn't. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckingly fucking lump of fucking shit shit shit."

Miss Evanilla tries to slap Miss Orsin across the face, but Miss Orsin goes on. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..."

Miss Orsin × swearwords is my OTP.

It's mildly interesting until Miss Evanilla kisses Miss Orsin, and that shuts him up.

"Oooooh!" shouts Birdie.

"Aww!" calls Kevin.

Even heartless Mr. Trixie is smiling.

"Someone pass the popcorn?" I shout.

Kevin tosses me a packet of corn-flavored crisps, and I tear it open immediately while I watch the Orsin and Evanilla Movie.

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