All the Little Children Need to Come Home

Chapter Two: Above the Room

It was the strangest feeling he ever had. Todd was being pulled into a small ocean current, the ripple of each wave carrying him slowly above his room. He smiled as he looked around  below, thinking this was just some weird dream. He ducked his head as he neared the ceiling fan, yet didn't feel the bump of the blade at all. He chuckled as he noticed how his room looked from up here. It was pretty messy, with clothes thrown casually over everything. He heard soft whisperings around him, yet he was more intrigued by what was happening in his bedroom below.

He saw his mother come into the room and turn towards his TV, saying something about why it was so loud. Todd didn't think it was too loud. From where he was in this dream, he could hardly hear anything at all. An intense wave of sadness filled the room as he watched his mother turn to his bed and say his name.

"Todd...."

Hearing the way she said his name sent a shiver through his body.

A curious tingle spread throughout his body as his mom climbed onto his bed below, reaching to hold someone who was lying there, very still. Todd recognized the red silk shorts and white Nike top which the person was wearing. His heart beat faster as he realized the person cradled in his mother's arms, was himself. He looked as if he was sleeping.

But he wasn't. He was here, above the room, and he was dreaming. He had to be. He felt his mother's touch, ever so lightly, on his cheek. He watched her wrap her arms around his body, and he felt her holding him tightly.

Wake up, he told himself. Wake up! A funny feeling came over him when he heard his mother cry out, "Oh, God, NO!"

When she looked up at the ceiling, he thought she could see him. He smiled at her, but she looked right through him as her tears spilled onto his face below. He touched his cheek. He could feel her tears.  What was he doing there on the bed, when he was here, looking down. Why was he up here, when he should be down there.

Why won't he wake up?

Silence thundered through the room and into the morning air as he watched his mother, her mouth wide open as she struggled to take a breath that would not come and the world around him stood still. His chest began to pound and his mind raced with a myriad of thoughts. What was happening? He fought back the fear that was pulsing through his body and ignored the delicate voice that was whispering in his head.

Todd reached towards his mother, trying to tell her he was right here, that everything would be fine. It was peculiar that he seemed to be floating down to touch her shoulder.

The silence shattered as he heard his mother cry, "Oh, God, no!!No! What did I do? What did I do?"

Now above the room, Todd saw his father standing in the doorway, hands braced against the sides. His eyes were bleary and his face scrunched in disbelief.  Sadness welled up inside him, and his heart settled into a softer rhythm as he tried to listen to the whispers in his ear. It seemed important to understand what the voices were trying to say, but he was entranced by what he saw happening below him.

His father was dialing 911, and for an instant, he knew he felt his mother's arms as they both lowered him down to the floor. Nothing was making any sense. He fought back the troubling panic that was beginning to engulf his body. Still, there were the whispers all around him, kind and comforting, telling him things would be all right.

Come here. It's okay. There's nothing you can do. It will be all right. It's time.

Todd watched his mom put her head to his chest as she began pumping his chest. He could barely hear his father speaking into the phone, and then saying," The lady wants to hear you counting. "

Todd smiled when he heard his mom call back," I am counting. I know CPR!" When she began counting louder, Todd chuckled

She did know CPR, Todd smiled. She had just completed a Red Cross course and she had asked him if she could practice placing her hands just so on his chest just a few days ago. She continued pumping and counting and breathing, not giving up until the paramedics came into the room.

This was the strangest dream ever and he willed himself to wake up. But the actions below him were moving forward quickly, like the ripples in an ocean current as they gathered towards the shores.

He blinked back tears that would not come, as reality crept in.

With one last prayer, he squeezed his eyes tight as he begged himself to wake up.

"I don't like this movie..." he remembered himself saying one time when he was a little boy, whenever a scary part would come on. "I just don't like this movie!" His mother would quickly change the channel or distract him from being afraid. He repeated that same phrase now, and a lump came in his throat when he suddenly started realizing he was remembering things that had happened long ago.

His tears now trickled down his cheeks as he began to understand the voices that were whispering around him. He had heard those whispers over two years ago as he was airlifted after his accident. At the time, he thought it was the emergency crew trying to keep him from shutting his eyes. He had been awake the whole time. But the words were different that time. They were whispering it was not his time.

But now, they were whispering ever so softly that it was time. Now was his time.

Panic set in and a deep sorrow filled his heart as he realized this was the greatest of nightmares.

He was dying.

In a few moments, even as his mother tried to will him to breathe, he began to feel weak. He made one last effort to go back into his body.

Immediately, he was lying on the floor as the paramedics asked his mom gently to step away. She leaned over him and kissed his forehead, and as she did, Todd felt a wisp on his forehead and a touch of sadness on his cheek. He realized it was her tears.

With that touch, he felt the embrace of a hundred unseen arms gently pulling him up to where he now belonged. With all his effort and all his love, he looked up into the face of his mom, haloed in light. Mom, mommy, Mama Dukes.

That horrible feeling of loss engulfed him with profound sadness. He ached inside knowing now how much he would miss his mom, his dad and brother, and all of his family and friends. With a deep awareness of what had just happened, he knew that he would miss life itself.

As he began to drift above, he saw one of the medics look at his watch and call the time of death. He heard his father, who had been standing at the door, cry out, "Oh, no no no! My God no!"

Todd watched his mother lift her head towards where he lay on the ground. He heard an unfamiliar sound coming from his father, as he watched him stumble down the hall, bracing himself against the walls.

The final tug of his heart came when Todd recognized the feral sound. It was coming from his father, whom Todd had never heard or seen him cry.