All the Little Children Need to Come Home

Chapter Three: Alice

Alice was on her knees in the doorway, head lowered, praying so intensely that her mind went numb.

She heard Ben cry out and looked up at the medic, who was checking his watch. She felt a lump in her throat when she looked at her son, lying so still beneath the window. His face seemed to shine as the morning light streamed in through the glass. She thought she saw a smile on his face.

"He looks so peaceful," Alice whispered, watching his face glow.

"Yes, ma'am, he does," one of the medics replied, nodding.

Alice stood up and walked down the hall. At the top of the stairs, she leaned against the wall and then slumped down to the floor. She began to shiver as she heard Ben moving around downstairs in the family room. She tucked her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, holding herself tightly.

She just sat, with her head against the wall.

The medic who had spoken to her sat down beside her. He talked quietly, asking her about her son. She answered in whispers. "No, he had been happy. He had just gone to the doctor yesterday. No, he had been sober for several weeks." She felt goosebumps travel down her arms, something unseen yet sensed.

"I feel him," she whispered.

"I hear that happens sometimes." He replied, calmly.

She sighed deeply and looked at the young medic sitting beside her. He looked the same age as Todd.

"I'm okay," she said to him. She realized he had been keeping her from going into shock, and she appreciated that. For a moment, her mind went blank, and her heart was beating so quickly she felt like it would burst through her chest, screaming her disbelief and her pain.

Blinking to stop the tears, she realized she was still breathing.

"We have to tell his brother," she said, quietly. The medic helped her up, and she went down to her husband, who was at the bottom of the stairs.

Looking at , she said, "We have to tell Adam."

They stood there together, but they were each alone with their thoughts.

"I'll call him," Ben said, and turned away. She could smell the alcohol on his breath. She watched her husband struggle through the difficult task of calling their other child, yet he seemed alert and resolute. They say that shock can make you instantly sober.

Alice could hear his voice trying to stay strong, and the gentleness of the words he chose to use to speak with Adam. The fact that he had started drinking again disappeared from her mind. They had to get through this together. This was a shock to them both. She closed her eyes and asked God to help them both make it through the day.

She used the house phone to call her sister-in-law, Cathy, getting out the words she had prayed she would never say. Cathy was one of only a few people in her world she trusted and needed to have here. Cathy would call her brother.

She hung up the phone and turned to Ben. There were no words they could say to each other that would make this day anything but the nightmare that it was.

Alice leaned into him, feeling his arms wrap around her. They held each other tightly for a few moments, sensing that if one should fall, the other would as well. They did not cry. There was nothing to be said. Neither one of them could answer the question, "Why?"

The doorbell rang.

Alice saw two detectives, one male and one female, standing outside, looking around. The medic who had spoken to her earlier came down the stairs.