In Love With A Screamer

Confessions

I still sit here worried things tonight aren't going to go as planned but I can't think about that and ruin my night with my thoughts I tend to ruin everything with just thinking and it sucks because I can be a fun girl and happy and have a fun time but then I begin thinking and I am no longer happy or fun and the event is awkward it is because of my stupid thoughts, at first I thought thinking over things was really helpful but now it ruins my life it was helpful in middle school and sometimes high school but now I am on my own and I am supposed to be reckless and not have regrets, this is the part of my life where I live my life without thinking this is the time in my life when I am supposed to be crazy and then I get older and calm down after having all the fun and settle down with someone and start a family but so far I haven't let my crazy fun side out yet and I plan on doing that tonight "C'mon guys" I heard Taylor say I exchange looks with Kellin and we get up and go into the kitchen the kitchen table is now beer pong there is little glasses on the counter filled with alcohol for shots and on the stove is a bottle of absolute vodka and there is Jagermister with red bulls beside it for another type of shot that I used to do when I was 16 but it's been forever ago, I can't even explain how much alcohol is in here then Taylor leaves the room and I am shocked "which one first?" Andy asks I think for a second and then Taylor comes back holding a cake with the numbers 2 and 1 on the top then everyone started singing "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear, Mackenzie, Happy Birthday to you" then I closed my eyes and wished and they clapped I laughed Taylor handed me a shot "Birthday shot!!" she said I laughed and swallowed the strong fiery vodka then I grabbed a soda from the fridge and opened it and swallowed it I needed a chaser. As Taylor was shoving shots down my throat Kellin didn't look like he was having fun but he drank a lot luckily I turned the table around and I got Taylor drunk and asked Andy to watch her for a second Kellin was just standing in the kitchen swaying side by side he was drunk I didn't know if I should talk to him right now. "You can't tell me I am not Batman" Taylor say sluring her words and Andy just smiled "Dun dun dun" she said pulling away from Andy and putting her hands on her hips I was a little buzzed but I think Taylor's' plan on getting me drunk backfired a little bit "Hey you wanna go sleep?" Andy asked Taylor "Another shot" Taylor said he sighed he knew how determined Taylor is so he put some coca-cola into a shot glass pretending it was a real shot she took the shot and looked at the glass and then at Andy "That's not a shot" she said even if she was drunk she knew if it had alcohol in it then Andy fixed her a real shot and she took it "Whoo" she said putting her arms in the air Kellin was still drinking from a red solo cup leaning on the fridge so that he wouldn't fall then Taylor leaned on Andy and looked up at him "I love you so much, you wanna have hehehe fun" she said she was so wasted he chuckled "Okay, if you go upstairs and get ready I will be there in a second" he said she smiled and she stumbled up to the stairs and you could hear as she slowly stomped on the steps then Andy motioned for me to come to him "Yeah? Aren't you supposed to go upstairs and have fun?" I asked as I walked to him holding my cup of soda I didn't want to drink anymore "Once she lays in bed waiting she'll fall asleep, You should talk to Kellin, he's really drunk because he's upset about Katelynn he may be drunk but when he's drunk he tells the truth he's told me a lot of things before" he said I was relieved maybe he can tell me things "Okay I will" I said "Okay well there is an empty room upstairs when you guys are done talking or when you're sleepy" he said "Thanks Andy I am really glad Taylor has a great guy like you she's been through a lot with guys but you and her are almost perfect" I said he smiled "Why not perfect?" he asked messing with me "Well she has come to me sometimes after a fight but you guys make up so that makes it almost perfect" I said he chuckled "Well I am tired and I think she should be asleep by now goodnight" he said "night" I said then he walked up the stairs and Kellin was still leaning against the fridge "Hey" I said standing in front of him "Hey, cutie" he said I blushed because Andy told me that he tells the truth when he is drunk "You wanna talk? You look like you're not having fun" I said "Yeah let's talk" he said I took the cup out of his hand and I sat it down and I guided him to the living room and sat him down and I sat beside him and turned and faced him and he did the same "What's wrong?" I asked him "Katelynn I am upset that she cheated on me, I thought that Copeland was making us a better couple but I guess to her having a kid with me wasn't enough to keep her from cheating" he said and he slurred a couple of times but I felt really bad I knew he loved Katelynn it was obvious whenever you seen them in photots and when they kissed and the way he talked about her "Well maybe that was a good thing you fount out and now maybe you can find someone that will treat you better" I told him and I didn't mean he should date me but I wanted him to find a girl all I wanted for him was to be happy "Maybe but what about you and your ex you never mentioned his name and more tell me" he said I didn't know what to do because he was drunk what I am about to tell him he won't remember "I know you're thinking about telling me I am a little bit sober to comprehend but I am buzzed a really good buzz" he said I finally just let all of it out something only Taylor knows "his name was Jake, I met him when I was a freshman in high school and Taylor introduced us because they were dating he was so sweet to her in public but he was very protective and she wasn't allowed to do a lot and I knew it and she would come to my house some nights crying because of him and finally she dumped him and then one stupid night he called me he was drunk and he had no one to pick him up and so I stole my moms car and I drove to this party and I was breaking the law being 14 and driving with no licence but I got to the party and fount him and took him to his house and I laid him down in his bed and he pulled me in and we started making out and we had sex and after that we kept it a secret from Taylor and everyone but one night about a month of sneaking around we had sex and a couple weeks later I thought I was pregnant and I took the test and I told my grandma and she took me to the doctors and I wasn't but before I told my grandma I was stupid and told Taylor and she asked who was the father and I had to tell her it was Jake and she was a little mad but she warned me and then I told him Taylor was okay with us and he asked me out and then I fount out I wasn't pregnant and he was a little disappointed but he still stayed and then he would rope me in and I thought I trusted him and I told him things I shouldn't and he held it against me" I said "That jerk he shouldn't of treated you like that, where is that dipwad now?" he asked "Jail, he murdered someone last year he got so drunk and we fought and he left and he took his anger out on a person and then he got put in jail for hitting and beating on me" I told him Kellin put his hand on my shoulder an ran him hand down my arm he leaned into me and we looked into each others eyes "I would never hurt you" he whispered to me my heart dropped when he said that he leaned in some more to where our foreheads touched and he breathed I could smell the alcohol on his breath that brought bad memories of being with Jake but when Kellin touched my shoulder I felt something I have never felt this way when someone touched me and when he ran his hand down my shoulder I felt cold chills but the good kind and now with his forehead on mine I feel something then he crashed his lips onto mine and he pulled away realizing what he did and I was a little upset when he pulled away "I'm sorry" he said "Why?" I asked "You probably think of me as a friend and I just kissed you" he said "I...didn't...hate it" I said slowly he smiled and he leaned in again and has his hand behind my head and we kissed again he tasted like alcohol but I didn't care then we began making out and he leaped and got on top of me not letting go of my lips my hands going through his hair I don't want to stop and I am not regreting what I am doing finally my thoughts aren't ruining my fun something I have been waiting for for a long time