And life goes on...

Chapter 11

It was the last time I was seeing her pretty face. Everyone was coming to offer their condolences. Ben was literally crying like a kid. Little Charlie was also sitting next to the coffin. He was asking her to wake up after every five, ten minutes. He was very confused. Alexander was the only one acting like an adult in this small family. Though one can still see the dried tears on his cheek, he was keeping himself together.

 As far as I was concerned, I apologized from speaking to people at that time and sat beside my fairy wrapped in her favorite white dress. She was looking like a real fairy. There was a certain charm and smile that covered her face. A faint smile was there at her face. Her coffin was covered by white roses and jasmines – her favorites. Her dark brown hair glowed on the white background of flowers. I tried to call her a lot of times. There wasn’t even a single time during her life that she didn’t answer me back. So, it was heart breaking for me when she wasn’t answering. Time flew and soon my darling was buried under earth. I sat by the head stone till the end of that day. It said,

“Estella Alexander (2005 – 2010)

The most obedient daughter any parents can get.

A star that shone the lives of everyone around her.”

Alexander came to me and grabbed my hand.

“It’s time to go home now.” How could I go home when my angel was buried there? I wanted to stay with her. But I knew Alexander wouldn’t let me. So I gave up and quietly moved to the car.

A day later or maybe it was two days, I don’t really remember because it was almost a blur; my lips were still sealed. I didn’t do anything in my house besides to lie in Estella’s room. I think I didn’t even eat anything. May be that’s why Alex came to her room and said,

“You need to get out of the room, now.” I threw a look at him and got back into staring her bouncy balls. He went back and a few minutes later came back with a tray in his hand.

“Eat something. It has been three darn days! Please, have some mercy on me.” He pleaded. What is with him if I eat or not? I will eat when my baby gets back. I have no hunger. But I didn’t reply to him. He tried to talk to me a few times but I didn’t pay attention to what he was saying. I just wanted my darling back. It was until he took me by my shoulders and shook me.

“STOP IT, DAMN IT!!” He shouted at me. My eyes brimmed with tears.

“SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER AS WELL! I LOVE HER AS WELL!” He yelled at me again. I know he was right. But I couldn’t help myself.

 “I DON’T CARE! GO AWAY! I WANT MY BABY” I screamed back.

“She’s not coming back. Don’t you see it? How would she feel if she sees you moping around? Would she be happy to see you sad?” He suddenly hit that nerve.

‘Please don’t cry mommy. It makes me sad when you’re sad. We’re a team.’

A tear finally came out of my eyes after many days.

“You think she’d want you to cry? Didn’t you made her promise not to cry?

‘Would you promise me that you guys won’t cry for me a lot? You’d be happy?

“Didn’t you promise her not to let her down?” He shook me once more.

‘I promise you I won’t let you down’

“Snap out of it, damn it! I don’t want to lose you as well!” He shook me and it hurt.

“S- St-op. Stop. It hurts…” I barely whispered. My voice even sounded alien to me.