In The Dark

x11x

He twirled his fingers in my hair,. This time it was gentle, like how a mother gently talks to a child, in a manner that wasn't backed with anger.
He was calm, like the sky just before a tornado. When he was like this it was easy to forget that he wasn't a normal person, that he was malicious and evil, and that I was still a hostage, and though the storm always followed not far behind, these moments were the ones I felt at peace, maybe even happy.

Jungkook was far from the first person to ever act this way towards me. My personal life had always reflected this situation as clear as day, though it was never to this extreme.
I've had my fair share of relationships in the past, sure, romantic, platonic and everywhere in between, but none of them have been good. I loved each and every one of them, but not one of them ever reciprocated. I guess that's okay though, because they all left in turn.

Throughout elementary school I'd had many people I had considered to be friends. I was a naive child, and thought that I had to do everything they said, no matter how degrading or illegal. They got me into a lot of trouble, which only made my parents angry. My parents sent me to stay with my grandparents whenever I did get in trouble, and that was often.

In high-school I managed to get away from that crowd and in with a new one. Freshman year I had my first girlfriend. She was sweet when we met, we talked about everything, held hands and went on dates, things were good in the beginning.
Everything went downhill when she decided that we had been together long enough to 'take things to the next level' if you catch my drift. When I refused, telling her I thought we were too young, she became angry and lashed out at me. She'd cheated on me many times before, and I'd finally given up and left her.
After that she had her friends send me threatening messages until I finally got the police involved. She ended up turning all my close friends against me that year and the next.

Third year I switched schools because I couldn't handle the torment anymore, and so I began my life as a trainee that same year. I made friends in both of those places but once again, nothing that could really count as healthy friendships.
The other trainees that I befriended, Taehyung, Seokjin, and Jimin, mostly stuck together, and since I was a rapper and they were vocalists, we didn't see each other much. They really only talked to me when they needed help with composition, since I had also acted as a composer.
The school the friends I had, Namjoon and Hoseok, were basically attached at the hip. I was like a third wheel to them, which was fine, because I liked being alone.
Hoseok definitely talked to me more than Namjoon did, being that we had all of our classes together and I had no problem letting him copy my notes, and occasionally they invited me to parties, I figure it was mostly because I had my license and could be the designated driver, so I never really got to have fun the way they did.

I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18 years old. Now , at 20, they don't even contact me, if not to borrow money, which is fine, since I'm an adult, and I don't like to owe them anything.

So sometimes what's happening to me doesn't seem so bad, at least I'm not being used and tossed aside by people anymore. Jungkook actually wants to keep me around, and sees potential in me. He's still absolutely insane, and I still don't like being here of all places, but at least I'm not being hurt by him and he's not hurting anyone else. That's the brighter side, I guess.