Scattered Sanity (Sanvers)

Day Twenty-Eight.

At this point, Alex had completely lost her conception of time. It surely had been weeks that she had been trapped in this abandoned warehouse, but she had no idea how many. Her appearance was becoming more ragged with each day that passed, with new welts and fresh bruises decorating her sickly pale skin, her eyes sinking inwards, losing muscle that she had maintained for years. Her throat always felt rough, begging for water that she was rarely granted. She only received the bare minimum that she needed to survive. It was excruciating, scraping by with meager portions.

When Rick arrived every morning, it was never a certainty that he had brought something for Alex to eat. If he had managed to bring anything, it was a pitiful amount of whatever the food was. A handful of grapes, five crackers, a cheese stick, half a slice of plain bread, the list went on and on. Rick would always squat next to Alex, feeding her the morsels with a cruel smirk on his face, enjoying every second of her suffering.

The only thing Alex could do to distract herself was remember the breakfasts that she had shared with Maggie, how they would alternate in making each other food and their bleary-eyed conversations over steaming coffee. The days Alex looked forward to were when she woke up to the sound of the toaster popping out a crispy golden bagel, and she rushed to the kitchen to find her girlfriend setting the table. She tried her best to concentrate on these memories, but an insistent growl from her empty stomach would break her train of thought and redirect her attention to how utterly starving she truly was. It was extremely difficult to not give Rick the benefit of seeing her salivate over the sight of food, but she mustered the effort to clamp her mouth shut and eat slowly when she received this sustenance.

One morning, Rick brought in a single potsticker, speared with a toothpick, wearing a triumphant smile on his face. "Here's your breakfast, Alex." He presented the food to her smugly.

Alex felt her throat close up, and her lips pressed together in a taut grimace. Memories barraged her, dozens of nights spent in Kara's apartment, giggling as her sister's face lit up with pure joy when she saw that Alex had brought her beloved favorite food. The evenings where their chopsticks would battle for the last potsticker, the younger always winning by not-so-accidentally using her overwhelming strength to break her older sister's chopsticks into splintered pieces, and the laughter that would ensue afterwards, accompanied by Alex's sigh of defeat as she leaned back, sinking into the couch.

Her hazel eyes squeezed shut, the one damned piece of food recalling some of her fondest memories and tugging them back up to the surface. On any other normal given day, Alex wouldn't have had a problem with thinking about the meals she had shared with Kara on her couch, but in this hopeless prison, every dinner that she remembered struck her mind like nails. There was pizza, ice cream, doughnuts, all which she had accepted without a second thought, but now seemed like impossible delicacies. She blinked, hard, trying to force her consciousness out of the vortex she had fallen into.

Rick wiggled the potsticker in front of Alex's face tauntingly, cackling. "I know you're hungry, Alex. Why don't you just take the potsticker?" His eyes glimmered condescendingly. "Or is it too painful for you?"

Alex's heart was pounding relentlessly, sweat collecting along her hairline. Again, she had been pushed out of her zone of control with the slightest of moves, reduced to a meek victim. It worried her, knowing that Rick was aware of her weaknesses, and he had the power to make her worst nightmares a reality. All she could do was grind her teeth defensively, death staring her captor with all her might.

"I know you miss Kara." Rick's tone changed from malicious to seemingly passive as if someone had flicked a switch in his brain. He stood up, clasping his hands behind his back, the potsticker now delicately balanced on Alex's shin. "Your sweet, innocent baby sister, a girl who holds endless hope for the world, having faith that people are inherently good. She wants to believe the best in people, so she portrays the best in people.

"She's foolish. Of course there are bad people in the world. Kara is naive, unwilling to accept the truth about society. Although, she has only ever existed as this Supergirl persona while in her safe bubble of National City, so she hasn't experienced the horrors that occur daily around the globe."

"Don't criticize my sister." Alex hissed, her jaw clenched.

Rick paid no attention to the redhead's command. "It must eat you up inside to know that you can never measure up to her. Someone infiltrates your home, where you were the center of attention, and steals the spotlight without even meaning to. It's not even her fault that she was given these powers, she just happened to be born on Krypton. She was someone who could touch the stars, who could stop a car with her bare hands, who could even roast a turkey just by looking at it. So how could you blame her for being the way she was? You couldn't, but you still did. You needed to point a finger at something.

"Kara was the reason that you landed your job. She upheld your entire career, Alex. She provides you with food, clothes, a home, all just by existing. Without even breaking a sweat, she can win the adoration of thousands. While you have to fight for every scrap, clawing your way to the top of the DEO through blood, sweat and tears. You're insignificant compared to her, but this is the real question. Who are you without her? If something happened to Kara during a mission, what would your life mean then? When you didn't have your lifeline anymore?" Rick scratched his chin thoughtfully. "And now, who is she without you? After all, you were Kara's hero."

Alex dug her teeth into her bottom lip, desperate to keep her grief contained. "Supergirl is bigger than me." She choked out mournfully. "Kara never needed me anyways."

Rick shrugged. "Tell that to all the voicemails she left you. Your phone is just flooded with all these people who care about you, Alex."

"Let me listen." Alex demanded.

Rick produced Alex's phone from his back pocket. "This is one from yesterday." He thumbed the screen for a few seconds until a voice crackled through the speakers.

The voice was racked with sobs, big gasping breaths and a heart-wrenching cry. "Alex, I miss you so much. I don't know if you're even alive anymore, but I don't know what to do without you. I feel so lost without you helping me and giving me advice. I know you think that you're nothing, but you're my big sister, Alex. I need you." She broke down for a moment, crying hard. "I'm not going to stop until I find you. You are the best family I could have ever asked for, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel inferior. You are the best parts of me. My strength, my wisdom, my courage, you taught me all of that. I..." Her voice trailed off into a muffled sob. "I love you, Alex."

"Kara, don't be stupid." Alex mumbled tearfully. "You're Supergirl. I'm just me." She gazed longingly at the potsticker that teetered on her leg, lowering her voice so that Rick couldn't hear her next words. "But I'm going to see you again." She breathed as a teardrop fell from her eye and rolled down her cheek.