Scattered Sanity (Sanvers)

Drowning in Amber.

(Who knew that it would be kids that would break Sanvers up? Ugh.)

Maggie Sawyer had taken a week-long vacation. She was unable to concentrate on her work, as whenever there was even the slightest moment of free time, her mind would instantly travel to Alex, and the fact that her girlfriend had no clue who she was. It was devastating, how Alex had remembered quite a bit of her life before her abduction, but she had forgotten all about Maggie and their relationship, even though it had lasted for a while beforehand. Each treasured memory that they had shared together, every experience that Maggie was able to share with Alex, and how Alex had finally been able to live her life the way she wanted. All of it was gone, dissipated in the wind. And it was traumatizing Maggie through the days and nights.

She had no idea how to cope properly. The last time she had been this devastated was after her father had kicked her out of the house for being gay, and she had handled that with cigarettes and strong drinks. Maggie had confided her previous, and at the time, still lingering cigarette addiction to Alex, and her girlfriend had helped her quit smoking entirely. She hadn't picked up a package since, and she had no desire to fall back into that disgusting habit. However, both her and Alex had continued to struggle with their constant need for alcohol, and Alex's craving was even more insatiable than Maggie's. If she wasn't at work, Alex usually had a bottle of beer in her hand, sipping from it purely because she didn't know how to make it through the day without it. It didn't help when Maggie introduced Alex to the dive bar, where they would share drinks together over pool. Maggie always felt guilty about encouraging Alex's addiction, but she couldn't ever bring herself to say anything, lest she risk seeing Alex's smile falter. So they laughed together, the condensation on the tinted glass seeping under their fingers.

Now Maggie stared into a clear glass, slightly filled with Scotch. She swirled the amber liquid around, watching it brush against the walls, disconnected from the world. Tipping her head back, a small amount of Scotch passed her lips, and she swallowed hard, trying to force not only the alcohol but also her pain down her throat.

She could see it again. In her mind's eye, she could see the red balloons, the ones shaped like hearts, hanging from shining ribbons that tethered to the ceiling. She could see the disco ball, the corsage in her hand, and the lit chandeliers. She could hear the music flowing out of the speakers, and she could see her again.

"Maggie, what is all this?"

"It's your belated Valentine's Day prom.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. I was too busy nursing my old wounds, that I forgot to look at the gorgeous woman in front of me and consider her feelings. You deserved all of this as a girl, the pomp and the fuss. And you deserve an amazing romance with a woman who is absolutely crazy about you."

"Don't you hate all this?"

"Alex, you're the one woman that could make me like Valentine's Day."

They kissed, and then they danced, they danced for hours. Alex's arms looped around Maggie's neck, and the brunette's hands on her waist, their foreheads leaning against each other as they swayed gently to the music, both of them pretending that their hearts weren't beating out of their chests. Everything was just so perfect.

A demanding and incessant knock rapped at the door, nearly making Maggie jump out of her skin and spill her amber drink. She trudged to the door and peered through the peep-hole, observing the perturbed expression of Kara Danvers. Twisting the handle, the door swung open.

"Maggie!" A breathless Kara exclaimed.

"Yes?" Maggie replied, much less enthusiastically.

"Alex remembered that she's gay." Kara announced, her smile wide and face illuminated.

Maggie's voice caught in her throat. "She did?"

Kara nodded.

"Does she remember me?" A scrap of hope rose in Maggie's tone.

Kara's face fell, and Maggie could tell what that meant without any words.

Maggie sighed, seating herself at her kitchen counter and pouring some more Scotch into her glass, then downing another mouthful. Without raising her gaze, she spoke. "Do you think that she'll ever remember me?"

The blonde sat down beside her friend, laying a comforting hand on her forearm. "Maggie, you have been such a large part of her life, it astounds me that she forgot you in the first place. Maybe she won't remember everything, but I think that she will be able to find you again in her memories, because you have influenced so much of who she is today."

"Why did it have to be this way? Why am I the only one that she doesn't recall at all?" Maggie gritted her teeth, her fingers tightening around the glass. "I love her so much, and she probably thinks that I'm crazy. The world just doesn't give a damn about me." Emotions were bubbling to the surface, threatening to overflow. "You know, when I met Alex, and when I finally got her to be herself, that was one of the happiest times of my life. Seeing her be authentic and free was such a gratifying feeling, and when we started our relationship, I thought that maybe I would be able to find love after my disastrous ending with my last ex-girlfriend. And I did find love again. We healed each other, patching up our old wounds. I fell harder for her than I ever have for anyone else." Her voice became strained. "And the world took her from me."

Kara embraced Maggie compassionately, rubbing her back. "The world took her away, but they also brought her back to us. And that couldn't have just been a coincidence. She's alive for a reason, and I truly believe that there is a chance for you two to reconnect when she gets released from the hospital." She offered a smile, and then, she gingerly pushed the alcohol out of Maggie's reach. "No matter what happens, I'll be here for you. I told this to Alex, and I'll tell it to you now, you don't have to go through this alone. You're my friend, Maggie, and I will do anything that I can to help you feel better. I swear, you will see Alex smile at you again."

Maggie glanced at the amber Scotch that lingered in her peripheral vision. Perhaps she wouldn't need to drown her sorrows if she had a companion like Kara by her side.