All Alone

Epilogue

What does it mean to mourn?

I have seen many different interpretations, but is there one way of doing it that is universal?

Google tells me that it is often done by wearing black or dark clothing, but I wore a baby pink sweater yesterday. Am I not mourning properly? I noticed the cheerleaders canceled their practices and they wore a coordinated black outfit to school, is that along the lines of what I should be doing? They did that for three weeks.

I found a more suitable definition on google, underneath the black clothing one. "To mourn is to  feel regret or sadness about (the loss or disappearance of something)." In my case, it is a someone. Our friend group is really struggling. Kaylee had been clinging to Logan for a week, after the incident, though they didn't become official until two weeks after Kaden and I, and poor Aiden is breezing through the female population; smoking is also becoming a larger part of his daily routine.

Luke is even more silent, and I almost feel like he is trying to replace me as the group's mute child. Jacob is trying to be light-hearted and upbeat, but it seems that even he is struggling to keep up a smile.

"Hey guys, who wants to do themed pun days with me?!" Nobody responded to his question, so Jacob just continued.

"Okay, today's theme can be water, don't worry though, we are just doing this for the halibut," he forced a chuckle, but nobody smiled.

"Come on guys, don't let this well of puns dry up already!" He still had a cheesy grin plastered on his face.

"Okay, I can do a classic: What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved!" All of us grew even sadder if it was possible, and it seemed as if Jacob got the wind knocked out of him as he realized what he said. His smile dropped and he finally slumped onto his seat at the table, dejected and done.

Kaden had been rubbing circles on my back and fiddling with my hair; I love it when he plays with my hair despite being tender headed. When he heard the pun, he paused and accidentally yanked a strand, causing a strangled protest to escape my throat. My noise seemed to wake everyone up, and we tried to make conversation while Kaden rubbed my head, whispering apologies in my ear.

Kaden is my largest support system. He makes sure to skype me before bed, and while some may find it clingy or overbearing, I find his worrying to be realistic and thoughtful. I feel loved and protected by him, but sometimes his care for me makes me bitter. Bitter because I return the favor for him, helping with Lanie and going shopping with them. Bitter, because I was perfectly capable of helping Libby.

Why wouldn't she let us help her? Wh did she not even give us a chance?

One of the biggest components to mourning is the regrets about whatever or whoever you lost. The school actually began something that almost perfectly suits this part of the grieving process. We started a little memorial in her locker, and even though she never actually used it, we plastered happy memories on the outside, and the inside is filled with what I hope are all things we wish we could have done, words we wish we had said. People share memories and hopes, and I think that the memorial is actually helping some other troubled people discover a healthy outlet for their issues.

I put a little sentiment through the slits of the locker every day. I tried to convey bits of my feelings on each scrap of paper, and I wish that she could see all of our thoughts.

Whitney and David are shunned. Both of them were basically impeached from their captaincy, and David ended up showing up to school one day beaten to a bloody pulp. Though there are suspicions on the culprit, no one cares about David enough to rat them out, David and his skank are pariahs, and I don't see them showing up to graduation. They would most likely be booed off of the stage, heck I could see a modern day flogging occur.

Kaden and I have been together for about three months now, our quarter year anniversary will be on the 24th. Libby killed herself right after Spring break. She killed herself March 24th and left a scar on our school that will never truly heal.

Kaden and I plan to attend the community college for our associate's degree so we can work to save up more money for a University, and even though it is a little presumptuous, we are hoping to live together. I don't know if we will even last that long, but I do have hope.

I told Victoria more about my story around a week after I told Kaden. It felt so good to share my issues, and I am actually looking into becoming a motivational speaker... or more over a presenter. I would probably heavily rely on visuals and other voice recordings. Though there is hope since I have started speech therapy around two months ago. They said that I may be able to speak one day, and the idea of actually making comprehensive noises again is astounding.

Claire and Chris are still wonderful children, and I made amends with Mrs. Snooty, well, kind of.

My life has improved so much over the course of a single year, and I almost can't believe it. Even though I have lost so many important things, I have also found myself.

Most importantly, I am finally sure that no matter what, nobody is ever...

all alone.

*************

ROLL CREDITS!!!!

That was it guys, the last chapter of All Alone! I was not planning to end it so quickly, but I had the sudden inspiration and sense of closure to tie up the loose ends. I want to go into the middle though and add in some of the four months that I skipped, so I will probably be adding more chapters, in fact, I already have more ideas to add in the middle, and I plan to elaborate more on some plot points, so you might want to reread this after I fix it up!

I am also already thinking about the sequel (I know that I am too ambitious for someone with virtually no audience). This story was probably the most fun to work on. I did a ton of research in the human psyche and various reasons as to why someone can be truly mute, and I tried to add some realism into the high school world and avoid some cliches. I feel like I did rush the plot a tiny bit, which is why I am planning to add some more middle chapters, but these are some of the fun liberties you get to take when you have no readers.

I am really satisfied with the ending and how I left extra material to craft a sequel out of. If you are reading this note, I sincerely hope that you enjoyed the story and would love to hear your thoughts. I feel that I have grown as a writer throughout this story and am so grateful to have had the inspiration to open a window and begin typing.

If there is anything you guys think I forgot, please let me know in the comments and I will either take them into consideration or explain myself.

I love y'all so much, and would love for you to read one of my completed short stories "The Things They Wish They Had Said," because it has a lot more insight to the topic of self-worth and the impact suicide has on others.

Once again, thank you for going on this journey with me, I hope that you enjoyed it and that I was able to make you laugh and cry.

Love y'all!

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~Experiment51