Unexpected // h.s.

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

*Dream*

I laid in bed, Harry sitting by my side. "I'm sorry," I whined for the millionth time. Harry pressed his hand into the bed, shifting positions so he could face me better. I had tears running down my cheeks for hours now. Nothing but guilt kept torturing me slowly.

"It's okay, Sharissa." Harry laid down beside me, looking into my eyes. "We're going to get through this okay? Me, you, and the rest of the lads." He reassured me, kissing my hair. I glanced at the clock. 9:37 AM. It's almost time.

"Harry," I started hesitantly. "Our baby is gone," I cried out. He frowned and pulled me closer. "Am I a bad mother??" Maybe I was.

"Honey, no! Oh goodness no." I still cried softly. Our only son was dead from a swimming accident and I couldn't help but feel it was my fault.

"What if it is, Harry." Harry sat up, clearly agitated at me. "I took my eyes away for two seconds. It's my fault!"

"Do you want to know what I think?" Harry turned back to face me, I nodded. "I think that you turned away for a split second because you had other priorities than James. I think that you're scared to face the fact that our only son is dead and that you're trying to put the blame on yourself so you look like the bad guy. Sharissa, we just lost a son! A son!" I sat up straight and got off the bed. "That not what you want to hear?" Harry ran fingers through his greasy curls. "Stop making this all about you! Don't you think I feel like I'm at fault? Don't you ever consider how I feel?"

"I do, Harry," I trailed off and turned around to look away from him. "But," I whispered.

"But what!" Harry stood up and turned me around abruptly. "But what, Sharissa. You don't care how I feel?"

"No! That's," I cut myself off. "That's not it," I said quieter as I fell to the floor. Postpartum depression hasn't gone away and with the death happening so abruptly it shook my to my core. Harry opened the door, rushing away from me."This is hard on me too," I yelled suddenly filled with anger. I got up and followed him down the stairs of our house. "You know I have postpartum depression and this isn't helping!"

"Oh, sure. Talk about you some more," He replied angrily. Harry turned around to face me once he was off the stairs. He whipped around so fast it's almost like he slung his elbow into my stomach. I led your a small oof and glared at him. "How do you think this is affecting me?" I looked up and bit my lip. Harry was really pushing my limits.

I made sure to give us space before he thought about doing something rash. Harry put one hand in his hair and the other rubbed his mouth. "You're going to kill what's left of this family if you keep up your uncontrollable anger," I spat as I pushed myself past him. "If you keep this up, I'm going to file for divorce." With that I walked out of the same room as him and outside to my black Cadillac that Lou had been driving. I rubbed my tears away and got in the passenger seat. I ignored his steady gaze as I saw Harry coming out of the corner of my eyes. Once he got in the car you could feel the tension and I'm guessing you could cut it with a knife. Lou didn't say anything but he drove us to our baby's funeral. My aunt had my little girl, Darcy, with her, watching over her.

----

I got up and instantly grabbed my phone to see it was still early in the morning. Maybe Harry would be up, so I gave him a call. By the third ring, Harry picked up. "Hey, baby. Can we talk?" I could tell this worried him and I knew his expression. He had his brows smushed together in worry and his ears on ready to listen. I placed my hand on my head to wipe the sweat off. "Harry, I had another nightmare." I heard him let go of a breath, but I'm not sure he should have yet. "I dreamed that I lost. . ." I paused for a second, "the baby," I continued, "and that we were fighting about it. I know that we've had tough times in our past but we always manage to work through them. But in the dream I threatened to file for divorce." I shook my head and walked out of the bedroom, make my steps soft so I wouldn't wake Danielle. "What could this mean, honey?"

"Honestly, I would go see if the baby is healthy. Something could be wrong and if anything is, get it taken care of. As for the divorce I'm not sure. Maybe someone we know is going to break up?" My face saddened and the words he said made me feel sick. "I know Ell and Lou have been having some trouble. Hopefully they can work through it, though." I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just stressing about you not being here is all." If he were here I know he'd wrap me in a hug. Instead, I wrapped my left arm around my tummy and comforted our babies. "I'll make sure you don't have to worry about it anymore and I'll get it checked out. The babies will be fine." And just like that, the cat slipped out of the bag. "I mean baby. In the dream we had twins." I heard him say oh and then we continued to chit chat for ten minutes. Harry was so sweet. If I could hug him tightly, I would. And I told him that too. I ended up falling asleep to the sound of his voice and holding my two perfect babies, hoping nothing was wrong.

----

*The same morning, a few hours later.*

"Dani, Eleanor, can you guys come down real quick." Eleanor was the first one down, followed by Dani; her curls in knots. "I have to go to the hospital. I had a dream last night that one of them died and I just need to make sure they're okay." Dani looked at me like I was crazy, Eleanor nodded and ran back up the stairs to change. "Am I crazy for thinking this?" Dani walked over to me and smiled.

"Not at all. You're concerned for your babies health. It's a mother thing." I smiled at her for the kind words. "Let me just go get changed and we can go." I nodded, not thinking about changing. I had on a red shirt and a pair of grey sweat pants that were extremely comfy. All I had to do was slip on a jacket and shoes and go. I had to wait on Dani and El for at least twenty minutes and after that we left.

Dani was the one who got to go back with me, I passed her off as my sister by marriage just so she could. Once we were back in the room, Dani and I exchanged a look. "I'm a little nervous," I stated, trying to hide my nerves. "Should I just say I feel something is wrong?"

"Quit," Dani reassured. I looked back at her to meet a steady and comforting gaze. "I would just tell them you feel something is wrong and would like to make sure nothing is." I sat down on the bed beside the chair she was sitting in. "You'll be okay. I'm right here for you." That's when a knock came at the door.

"Sharissa," the woman stated. "Why'd you come in today?" Slowly, I let out a breath and decided to tell her.

"Uh, I'm here today to have a check up on the babies. I feel like something is wrong," I stuttered. Words didn't want to come to me. "I, uh, I don't feel them moving, and it just makes me feel bad." My voice became shaky, my heart was pounding to get out of my chest.

"Well, I'll go ahead and set you up for an emergency ultrasound to make sure everything is going smoothly! How many months or weeks are you?" I nodded as she took her leave. I laid back on the bed and waited for her return with Danielle in the same room.

I counted in my head and couldn't believe how many months I was pregnant already. "I'm six months and a week, so that would be 27 weeks." Danielle smiled over at me and couldn't believe it either.

I placed my hand over my stomach and imagined how our life would be once he comes home. "How would you feel if we went to see the boys while they were in New York?" I looked over to Danielle who had a big smile on her face. "I mean, get real. We all miss our men. We need to see them, you more than ever."

I smiled and nodded to her plan. How bad could this plan actually be? "I'd love to, Dani, but I need to get stuff for the babies, and that's hoping everything comes back okay." Dani frowned but agreed with me. "You guys can go, though. You're more than welcome to."

"No! I wouldn't want you to miss out on seeing your guys. Harry would understand if I wasn't there." Danielle continued to frown. "Trust me, it's okay." 

"But," I cut her off abruptly.

"But nothing." I gave her a stern look. "Go see Liam. I'll be fine." 

Danielle finally agreed with me and that was the end of that conversation. I knew that it hurt me that I couldn't see Harry anytime soon but I didn't show it to Danielle. I would be seeing Harry when the tour was over and that would be soon enough.