Breathe Me | Jikook

6

When Jungkook woke up Saturday morning, he didn't want to move.

He felt hollow. He felt empty. He felt devoid of everything. But at the same time, he felt like he was so heavy he would just sink into his mattress.

He didn't understand it.

He stayed on his side, knees brought to his chest, his fingers curled into his pillowcase as he stared at the wrinkles on his bedspread.  I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. The words were playing over and over and over in his head but they weren't having the desired effect. He was still going further and further away. He still felt like someone was squeezing his chest.

Jungkook didn't feel like pretending today. He knew he would fail.

When his mom knocked on the door, causing him to nearly jump out of his skin, he sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Jungkook," His mom's voice was delicate. He didn't hear her take a step, so he assumed she just poked her head into his room, the door open just a little bit. "Breakfast is ready."

He took a breath before forcing an upturn of his lips. Then he looked over his shoulder.

"I'll actually be going out with Taehyung later, so I think I'll skip breakfast."

His mom tried to hide the surprise on her face, and failed. She also tried to hide the immense joy on her face, and she also failed at that.

"Oh, well, do you need anything?" She couldn't mask the excitement in her voice either. Jungkook shook his head. "Okay...I'll leave you to get ready."

She shut the door and Jungkook fell back onto his bed. Maybe going out today would be a good thing, maybe it would distract him and keep him from self destructing. But still... He really, really, didn't feel like moving. He didn't feel like he could.

Jungkook's phone lit up from where it was face up on his bed. Jungkook reached for it, his hand surprisingly steady, and picked it up to see he had a message from Taehyung.

Taehyungie~
I have things to do this morning, so I won't be able to walk with you to the cafe

Jungkook felt something in him drop.

Taehyungie~
Here's the address don't get lot

Taehyungie~
lost*

When Jungkook put the address into Apple Maps, he was relieved to see that it wasn't too terribly far from where he lived. It would take about twenty minutes to walk there, twenty-three exactly according to Apple Maps.

He could do that, right?

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Jungkook, in fact, could not do that. His phone had died due to the fact that he had been looking at people's art all night on Tumblr and hadn't charged it. So, when he got halfway and the phone screen went black, his stomach fell and his heart rate spiked.

But, he remained calm. Even as people walked past him on the sidewalk, casting furtive glances at him, and even as cars sped past on the street. He stayed calm, even though he was stuck somewhere he hadn't been in years, with no one to help him and no way to reach out for help.

Okay, so he was very far from calm, but he wasn't panicking. Yet.

Instead of letting himself succumb to the rapid beat of his heart, he kept walking. He was hyper aware of the fact that any turn he makes could be the wrong one, so he carefully looked down each street before making his decision. He tried to remember the street names, the directions that he had read, but his mind felt blank.