In My Mind Only (Frerard)

I'm Leaving

Ray's face softened as he realized what I was saying. It'd been so long since I'd seen that certain look in his face, and a huge part of me really did miss it. I felt my phone vibrate against my leg, but I avoided it. Mr. Way could wait. This is something that I have to get passed if I'm going to leave this place and person behind me.

"It's been," Ray paused, "a while, hasn't it?" he asked hesitantly. I stepped closer to him, never breaking eye contact with him as I grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

"Listen, Ray," I said. He didn't try to pull his hand away and I was really grateful.

"I haven't seen you so relaxed in a long time, Frankie," he spoke, ignoring the sentence I'd started.

"After you left me, I didn't want just anyone in my heart. But Ray, look-"

"You're still as beautiful as you've always been."

"Don't say that to me, Ray!" I yelled. I threw his hand down. He took hold of my shoulders and shook me slightly. It was the same thing he used to do when he needed to get a point across to me.

"Frank! It may not mean anything now, but I still love you. This whole time I was with Jealousy, I really wanted to be with you," he said as he held onto my shoulder tighter.

"You lost the right to feel that way whenever you took a shit on my heart!" I hissed. Then he did something I'd been dying for him to do since he ripped us apart; he kissed me. Hard. I relaxed against him before pushing him back.

"And what about that bullying shit? Huh? Why did you do that to me? You loved me? You wanted to be with me this whole time? Just shut your mouth! You made your choices, so now you deal with the consequences..." I said. We stood there for a long while before I opened my mouth to speak again. "I'm enlisting in the Army today, Ray. After we graduate, I won't have to see you anymore. I won't have to see anyone from this town ever again."

Then I walked passed him and into the separate school building. He wouldn't follow me. He knew he didn't have the right to, and that's something that's always stopped. It's something that has always been his problem. I kept walking and didn't turn back, because, if I knew him as well as I used to, he was still standing there, looking back at me. I walked into the latrine and locked it behind me. I knewit was unsanitary, but I still sat down on the little shower seat they had in there for the kids who were taking mechanics and needed to wash up. Nobody ever used it, and by how rusty it was, it'd been this way since they built this little building behind the school about 10 years ago.

I leaned back against the wall and stared at the white painted wall across from me, outlining the chips in the paint, hoping to distract myself. I lost that battle when I felt the overwhelming feeling I hadn't felt since Ray told me he didn't want to be together anymore. This time I felt the tears come out, and they burned my skin like fire. I tried wiping them away, but more continued to fall and all I was doing was spreading my tears. I finally gave up and just let them fall.

"Stop it," I whispered. "Stop crying."

But I still love you, "Shut up."

You're still as beautiful as you've always been, "Stop it."

The whole time I was with Jealousy, I really wanted to be with you.

Frankie, come on! The comic book shop is going to close soon! I laughed.

Frankie, look, I love you. Let's go out.

I really want to kiss you, Frank. Can I?

Baby, you look so fucking beautiful on top of me like that, mm..

Frank, can you believe we're about to be freshman?