In My Mind Only (Frerard)

Where Did You Come From? (Gerard's POV)

That day, I took off from work to stay with Frank. He'd really scared me last night, but he'd been doing a lot of that lately. His emotions have changed so drastically that it's hard to keep up.

"So, let everything out, okay, Frankie?" I asked him. We'd taken a seat on my bed and sat there for a while before I decided to break the silence.

"There's nothing else to let out. Everyone knows and Ray still has my number and Jealousy will ask questions and put me on the spot..." he trailed off. Wait, what? Ray texted him? Never mind, that's not important right now. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze lightly. He raises his head up to look at me and I give him a soft smile. His lip twitches and I want to frown because it shows that he's going back to his old self.

"Cheer up, Frankie. Everything will be okay. How about we watch a movie?" I asked. He nodded his head slowly after thinking about it for a while.

"But shouldn't you go to work, Gerard? I'll be fine on my own," he tried to convince me. As much as he'd rarely admit it- this not being one of those times- he wants me to stay. I know he does.

"I'm not leaving you," I told him. He gave me a small smile that looked full of relief which caused me to smile as well. I studied his face as he went to look through the movies. I always thought he was beautiful. I'm not fully attracted to him, but enough to notice how soft his facial features are despite his hard looks. I watched as his hazel eyes scanned over the movies before him because seeing them slightly light up as he reached for one.

"How about we just finish the Wizard of Oz?" He asked me. I smiled. Like I was going to say no to that movie.

"You know, Ray used to want me to watch this movie. I just remembered. I never wanted to because movies always ended. He was always a big movie fanatic. After he, uh, left me, I made a list of movies that I would watch with him whenever he and I got back together," he explained as he stared at the movie case.

"You were planning on taking him back?" I asked. I would've thought after everything, Frank would hate to be touched by someone who did that to him. I was that way with my own ex. I cringe at the memory of his hands on me during long nights of love making.

"Yes. I even tried to an extent, but that only caused his violent behavior towards me. I suppose after that, I didn't really care about love. How can you hurt someone you used to say you loved with all your being? I never understood it, but I guess it's because that's the way the world works. Everyone is born innocent and the environment of that individual determines exactly who they become. For example, Ray's father was abusive towards his mother. Hence the reason he became like that towards me. I'm taking a shot in the dark, but I think I always knew that he still loved me. I just didn't want to hear it." As Frank talks about Ray, I feel myself become almost guilty. He helped me get with someone who probably still loves as well. He sacrificed his love for mine. He sacrificed Jealousy's love for mine, but I think all he really wanted was for Ray to be happy.

"I'm sorry, Frank. I wish things had turned out differently," I confessed. And I mean it. There have been times where I thought that life would've been so much easier if I could just keep my eyes off of Ray long enough to not fall in love with him. Maybe it would've been easier if I'd fallen in love with Frank or maybe even someone my own age, but that didn't happen and I can't think about what-if's now.

"Gerard, people can't control these things. It'll happen. I understand that. Just... please be happy and make sure he's happy. He used to mean the world to me, so protect him."
"Do you still love him, Frank, because I can stop talking to him, you know?" I asked.

"You guys are officially talking?" He asked. He gets this type of expression on his face that I can't really read. A mixture of anger and happiness.