Angel with no wings

Chapter 3

Dear Carrie,

I wasn't able to write you a long letter yesterday. I had lots of things to do. School is still bad. Since you left everyone treats me different. I heard a girl saying I am a weird boy because I look hot but I don't. What did she mean? 

I don't get it I'm so happy when me, Michael, Ashton and Calum play a gig to our 'fans', but when I go back to my real life I just feel like a wreck. If my life was a movie it would be drama. 

Why? Tell me why is it me? Why am I the one that has no social life, no self respect, no happiness? It's just life they tell me but I need some happiness, you were my sunshine, my reason of it but now you're gone I have nothing left.

I can't even cry, I thought of maybe cutting but then again it wouldn't help.

I will just sit here writing songs till my death time comes.

"Well maybe it's not all that bad" Ash said to me today. 

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

"Well you have lots of girls sticking on you because you look great, if you would just look a bit further from Daisy you would see many cute girls."

"But she's the only one I see."

"I know Luke, but if she doesn't see you.. what is the point?"

"I don't know."

We are going to have a little tour in England starting next week. I am excited! I can change mood when it comes to music. That's the part of my life that I like acctually. 

I was just about to lose hope Daisy will ever notice me when today a girl came to me, I think her name is Helen or something. She said this: "Luke you don't know me, I don't know you, I only know your name but I can clearly tell you like my friend. Don't worry she thinks you're good. But she can't love you."

"Why?" I was in shock to be honest.

"She just can't. It's complicated."

That's how she left. I don't know was she talking truth? Oh and I got an A on my biology test. Finally my grades got better. I know I know it's my fault they fell but I just can't go threw everything alone.

I thought to myself last day, when I was reading, it said 'We accept the love we think we deserve.'

Well if it is like that then could it be when we think we don't deserve love we just make that in our head? Maybe it's not all about being famous, pretty, happy, maybe it's just about being yourself and not caring about others.

Or maybe it's just about that when you like yourself and you smile to yourself because of yourself everyone else will just follow the lead.

I will try to smile more often now. Maybe I will make some friends. If I don't it was still worth a try.

P.S.: You're still my favorite person on the world.

                                                                                                        Love, Luke xx