Angel with no wings

Chapter 12

Dear Carrie!

I haven't wrote you in months. It's been so much I just didn't find time anymore. I and Ashton and Michael and Calum had a huge tour! It was unbeliveable! All those fans all those great memories they left adn will always fill my heart! 

But then again, my mum died. She had a car crash. A truck hit her. And my dad said he never wants to see me again.

Every family I have is gone. I am home alone trapped in these 4 walls for weeks. Ashton was trying to call me so many times but I just couldn't answer.

Lily visits me everyday and she brings me food and tells me I'll be fine it will all be okay, that she's with me, she loves me and she told me some thing I only heard once in my life before.. she said this;

"When the stars go down and sun comes up on the sky creating a new day and making people happy you're trapped in here like all you see is night. But there is sun out there waiting on you to realize it's not the life you live that makes you sad, it's the life you don't live that makes you feel like you're not worth a thing but you are."

I could never forget those words. Carrie those were your last words! I remember them!

And when I thought my life can't be worse my mum died. Ha. I lost two people I cared about didn't I?

But somehow then again I didn't. My dad is still my parent so I didn't actually lose everyone. And carrie I know what's going on. I know where to find luck and happiness again. You're with me on my every step aren't you?

You never left. Your soul just moved from Carrie to Lily. You're with me. And I know you won't leave me but you need to understand why I have to leave.

It's not you, it's me.

I never meant to hurt you or anyone but you should know because of you I stayed this long and all I needed was hear all the time. 

I swear I haven't cut or drink or smoke in months, not even when I lost mum. But it's time to do something. 

Will you forgive me? I'm sure you will understand, you always had and always will. 

When you passed away i didn't lose just my best friend, I lose my half a heart. Yes I didn't love you like Ashton but you were the only one who loved me from the start, like a friend, but you did.

And now when you're gone you're still here. Named Lily, and when I'll be gone you will still be with me. As Carrie, like in good old times.

With love,

see you soon, your Luke xx