Someday: A Collection of Joshaya One Shots

Only If You Mean It

*Sequel to Seeing Him With Someone Else*

*Inspired By: Don't Say You Love Me by Fifth Harmony*

~ 🎶🎵🎶 ~

Maya's POV

"How am I supposed to take it when weeks go by and I'm still waiting?"

"You alright?" Zay asks curiously as I stare off into space. I hadn't even realized I was doing it but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. How could he show up on my doorstep after all this time with some huge declaration? I waited for weeks drowning in ice cream hoping that our break-up had just been an awful dream and I would wake up in Josh's arms but every single morning I'd wake up and be met with the same, terrible truth. Josh wasn't mine anymore and he was happy with someone else. Now months later he suddenly wants me back?

"I'm sorry" I apologize, shaking my head and attempting to come back to reality. "I'm just a little distracted" I admit. He nods in understanding.

"Josh?" he asks bluntly. I gnaw my bottom lip and nod slowly.

"I just" I sigh, "I was so excited for this date but now I just can't stop thinking about him" I admit sadly. "I really don't want to but-."

"You love him" he guesses. My heart flips in my chest and I solemnly nod. I knew it was true. Josh was my first love. That love doesn't fade easily or quickly.

"I'm sorry" I repeat. He smiles softly, shaking his head.

"It's alright. I get it. If Vanessa showed up I don't think I'd be in the right head space for a date either" he admits with a soft smile. "How about we get this to-go and I take you back to your dorm. Maybe we can try this again sometime if you guys don't work things out" he adds. I wasn't sure that working things out was in the cards for me and Josh but I knew I at least needed closure.

"Thanks Zay" I smile happily. He nods and we head out of the restaurant once we box up our food and pay the check. The drive back to campus is short which in all honesty does nothing to ease my worry. I didn't know what I was about to walk into. This could go really well or end with me and Josh screaming at each other. Zay drops me off and I walk down my hallway slowly. Much to my delight he doesn't appear to be anywhere in the near vicinity. I unlock my door and step inside, flipping on the light. Josh is sitting on my bed. "Holy shit Josh" I shout, dropping my food.

"What are you doing back already?" he asks confused. He raises an eyebrow at me and smirks, "was the date that bad?"

"My date is none of your business" I reply as I pick up my take-out container and move it to my mini fridge. "What the fuck are you doing in my dorm room? In the dark?"

"It wasn't dark when you left" he points out, "I had already gotten comfy by the time the sun had set and I didn't wanna get up."

"Seriously?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "You're so fucking lazy."

"Whatever" he replies, sitting up. "We need to talk."

"I'm aware" I reply, crossing my arms over my chest. "So let's start here. What happened with Megan?"

"Don't say you're hurting without the scars"

"Megan" he rolls his eyes. "Forget about her Maya" he insists. I shake my head in disagreement.

"You left me for her so um. Nope."

He sighs, rubbing his neck. "Do you know how much it hurt me to break your heart the way I did?" he asks, taking me by surprise. I raise an eyebrow at him and scoff.

"You were hurting?" I exclaim. "Josh" I sigh, shaking my head. "You got a new girlfriend two weeks later. And you weren't exactly looking too heartbroken. Me on the other hand locked myself in this room, gained six pounds, and kept asking myself what I did to screw up the best thing that ever happened to me. When enough people leave you, you begin to question if it's because they suck or if you're just that awful and unlovable."

"Maya" he says softly, stepping towards me.

"Why did you do it?" I cry, losing it even though I really didn't want to let him see me cry. It was the last piece of dignity I had and it washed away with every falling tear. "What happened? What did I do?"

"Baby you didn't do anything" he insists, stepping towards me and caressing my cheek. I step back into the wall and put my hands up.

"Don't touch me."

"Okay" he gives, putting his hands up in surrender. "Can I please tell you what happened?" he asks. I take a deep breath and nod. As much as I hated to admit it, I really did want to know what went wrong. "Alright" he says softly. "I didn't tell my parents we were seeing one another" he admits making my eyes widen in surprise. "When they found out" he sighs, "they threatened to stop paying for my schooling."

"Wow" I shake my head. "They must really hate me."

"They don't" he argues. "They just thought you'd hold me back from what I need to accomplish" he shakes his head. "Megan is the daughter of one of my dad's friends. She's a sweet girl but she's dating Stacey" he says making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Stacey Jenson. She was head cheerleader. She was a she.

"Um. No. She's dating you. A boy. Is she bi?" I was so beyond confused. I didn't mind either way, I was just looking for a bit of clarity because right now my head was spinning.

"No" he shakes his head. "She's a lesbian. She's worried her parents are starting to get suspicious so I told her that I'd help her. Hence we came up with our brilliant fake dating plan. She was helping me get over you and I was helping keep her secret."

"But you kissed her."

"We had to make it convincing" he replies. "Her parents aren't the only ones in the dark. There's plenty of people on campus who have no idea she's more than friends with Stacey" he explains.

I take a deep breath. I guess it made sense. I had heard of people doing this to keep their sexuality a secret, it just never crossed my mind in this particular situation. What didn't make sense was what changed all of a sudden. "What are you doing here now?" I ask confused.

"I can't live without you" he says bluntly. "I don't give a shit what my parents do. I can't do this anymore. Watch you move on and act like I've done the same thing when inside I'm dying. I miss you so fucking much Maya" he says, stepping towards me.

"What about Megan?" I doubted she'd want to risk being outed.

"She understands. She thanked me for my help and told me to be happy. Maya I can't be happy if you aren't in my life. I need you. I want you. I love you." Those three words knock the wind out of me and I stand there and stare at him for a few long seconds.

"Don't say you love me unless you do"

"Don't say that" I beg, shaking my head. "You can't just go and throw that phrase around. Those words mean too much to me."

"I'm not" he insists. "I love you. I have for such a long time. I'm sorry I let everything get so off course but I love you so damn much. I need you."

"You hurt me so badly Josh" I shake my head. "You broke me."

"I know baby" he says softly. "I'm sorry. I should've just been honest with you. I was an idiot and I will never be able to make up for that but I want to have a future with you."

"You're willing to throw away everything for me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I'm gaining way more than I'm losing sweetheart" he argues, closing the distance between us. "I love you." As much as I wanted to tell him to leave, there was a much bigger part that knew I was still head over heels in love with him and I always would be. He was Josh, he was my soulmate.

"You better not break my heart again. I'm trusting you."

"I won't" he promises. My face softens and I reach up to leave a soft kiss on his lips. When we pull apart there's a smile pulling at my lips.

"I love you too."