Sanctuary

Chapter 18

Rachel runs through the woods, her hair trailing behind her. Branches whip at her thighs, grabbing at her as she passes by. She can hear Negan behind her, his breath heavy. She slows, wanting him to catch her. Rachel glances back at him, and her face drops. His eyes are dark, and not with lust. They are devoid of emotion, blank and heartless. He holds Lucille with one hand, swinging her with every step. Rachel begins to panic, her heart pounding in her chest. She tries to speed up, but her legs won't do what her brain demands of them. She can feel her thighs beginning to burn, and every step is a constant struggle. She tells herself not to turn around again. She knows that if she does that, he'll pounce on her. But she turns anyway. He's gone. "Negan?" She says. She heads back in the direction she was going, but there he is, right in front of her. Rachel falls to the ground. She leans up on her elbows, trying to scramble backwards. "Negan, please, don't," she begs. Negan looks at her coldly, not saying a word. He holds Lucille high above his head. 

"I'm sorry, forgive me," he says, showing no emotion. Then he brings Lucille down.

~

Rachel wakes with a start, her breath heavy. It's pitch dark in her bedroom, and her eyes struggle to adjust.

"I'm sorry," Negan says.

Rachel feels gooseflesh cover her entire body, her heart pounding in her chest. She turns to Negan, and relaxes a little. He's still sleeping beside her, fully clothed.

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

Rachel hovers above him. It wasn't unusual for Negan to talk in his sleep. One night out of every four or so, he'd wake Rachel with his ramblings. Rachel would normally wrap an arm around him, and stroke his hair soothingly, then he'd quiet down.

Negan's legs began to twitch, and a pained look came over his face.

"Forgive me."

Rachel wrapped her arm around his waist, and stroked his hair.

"Lucille?" He seemed to question.

Rachel strokes his cheek, her nose touching his. "I forgive you," she says softly, kissing him gently on his forehead. Negan appeared to relax at the sound of her words. He always did. Rachel wasn't entirely sure who Lucille was. But if she had to guess, she'd say it was Negan's wife from before. She'd guessed that, long before he'd called out Lucille's name in his sleep. Rachel didn't ask about her, thought it was best that way. It was obvious to Rachel, that Negan was still struggling with losing her. Because even now, he still clung onto her, in the form of his baseball bat. Refusing to let her go. As much as it saddened Rachel, to see Negan being plagued with bad dreams, it also made her feel better about him. Made him seem more human. Knowing that he loved someone so much, that he still dreamt of them to this day. He must have a heart after all. Not that she was stupid enough to believe his heart was hers. But maybe he did care about her. She settles down again beside him, and drifts off to sleep.

~

"Morning beautiful," Negan smiles.

Rachel's eye's flicker open. Negan lies in front of her, leaning on his elbow. "How long have you been awake?" She asks with a smile.

"Ten minutes maybe? I was watching you sleep," he grins.

"Well that's not creepy," she says, raising an eyebrow.

Negan chuckles, and kisses her forehead. He swings his legs over the bed, and grabs his boots.

"Where you going?" She asks, propping her head up on her hand.

Negan turns his head to her, a surprised look on his face. "Woah, what the fuck was that?"

"What the fuck was what?" She replies, confused.