Behind The Scene

CHAPTER 39

Thanks to Crystal, the following days were a little easier. I woke up each morning to a tidier apartment and forced myself to bother going outside, even if it was to grab a coffee and walk along the beach. She'd put in a call to her friend, and I'd had a successful interview the following afternoon, securing a position on the front desk. It was bound to be somewhat slow-paced and tedious in comparison to what I had been doing, but at least it was something less risky and daring.
Taking a seat on a bench looking out over the ocean, I sipped my coffee and only glanced up when a set of footsteps came to a stop nearby, a weight pressing down on the bench beside me.
"Thanks for coming," I smiled.
"Course," Charlie said swiftly, his responding smile seeming clipped, a little too strained to truly meet his eyes.
"I wanted to tell you to your face that I'm leaving the club," I explained.
"I already know," He replied, sounding a little defeated. "Crystal didn't say anything, but I got the feeling."
I nodded. Of course, he did.
"I'm sorry," I said genuinely, "I should have come to speak to you sooner, you deserved better."
He chuckled softly.
"I don't know about that," He continued, "Not like I'm a saint, maybe avoiding me was what was best."
"I didn't mean to avoid you." He threw me a disbelieving look, and I relented with a roll of my eyes, "Okay, maybe I did, but it wasn't because of you, it was because of me."
"What d'you mean?"
"After what happened at the hospital, I felt lower than I ever had done in my entire life. I was ashamed, angry and as pathetic as it is, I felt sorry for myself," I sighed, taking a sip of coffee before pressing on, "I was desperate to feel anything that wasn't pain. I'd like to think I wouldn't have done something stupid, but I couldn't trust myself."
"And you thought that you might make a bad decision with me?" He said understandably.
"Maybe. I mean it happened before... and I know that you feel something for me."
"Yeah," He said quietly, "I guess there's no point denying that."
There was a split second of silence as he just looked at me, and I could tell that he was trying to hide his disappointment at my rejection.
"You've been nothing but good to me since we met," I said fondly, "And I do like you a lot, but..."
"I get it," He interrupted, "You love him, and you want to try and make it work."
"Yeah, I do," I nodded.
"And that means leaving the club, and me, in the past."
He looked out at the beach without waiting for me to speak. Silence stretched between us as we both stared ahead. When he finally did speak again, I could hear the emotional sting behind the words.
"We'll miss you."
"I'll miss you all too."
It felt like I was saying goodbye to a huge chunk of myself, as well as a dear friend, and it hurt. But at the same time as I was saying goodbye, I felt like I was opening a door to my future, taking the first of many steps out into the light, finally joining the right path, one that was here all along, but hidden by the haze of all I'd gotten caught up in before.
"You know, I saw it in you the day we met," Charlie began, "You have what it takes to do anything you set your mind to, Selena. You're intelligent, you're brave, strong and talented," He got to his feet, smiling down on me as warmly as he could, "Go after whatever it is that you want in life, and don't ever give up until you get it."
"I promise," I replied, getting to my own feet and smiling back.
His eyes flicked to mine and lingered just long enough to leave me in no doubt of his desire to kiss me. Then he leant in and pressed his lips to my cheek.
"I'd have regretted walking away without doing at least that," He whispered leaning back. "Goodbye, Selena."
He strolled away and I watched him go, feeling a small ache at losing a good friend in my life.
"Goodbye, Charlie," I muttered.
As soon as I got back home, I went straight for the freezer.
Time for a little comfort food.
Pulling my tub of choco fudge ice cream out, I went in search of a teaspoon, just as I felt a shudder beneath my feet.
What the fuck?
I looked around for a source as it got steadily stronger until the sound grew into a roar as my entire apartment shook, various items beginning to fall to the ground throughout the apartment with a series of loud smashes and bangs.
Shit, earthquake!
Dropping the ice cream to the ground, I ran across the kitchen, tripping over myself as my steps landed against the moving floor. I'd never experienced a quake before, and my heart was pounding with fear as large cracks began to form along the walls, smaller ones zig-zagging across the floor. I took refuge in the doorway between rooms, hugging close to the structure as I continued to sway with the rapidly trembling ground. There was a groan of furniture behind me, and I turned just in time for my bookshelf to fall, striking me on the arm as it crashed to the ground, smashing the lamp on top.
"Ow!, Dammit!"
The echoing rumble began to quieten as the ground slowly stilled, the final smashes and bangs ringing out as the quake came to a stop. My ears rang with the chaotic sounds outside of car alarms, honking horns, building alarm systems and echoing shouts. I slowly stepped out of my doorway, taking tentative steps across the kitchen assessing the damage all around me, feeling fearful of stepping too close to the cracks in case the ground suddenly gave way beneath me.
"Well, that was not fun," I said snarkily as I tried to calm my racing heart.
I spent the next couple of hours attempting to clean up the mess of broken items throughout my apartment, diving for cover each time I felt the rather terrifying aftershocks, managing, more than once, to fall in my haste, one time, landing awkwardly on the floor of my bedroom cutting my forearm on a shard of broken glass. I was mid-way through wrapping up the minor cut when I heard more sirens nearby and thought of Ross again. First responders had been racing through the city ever since the quake, and I'd been unable to calm my racing mind as I thought of Ross out there facing God-only-knows what. For what felt like the twelfth time, I dialled his number hoping that he'd pick up. But once again, the only sound of his voice that I got, was the unreassuring message for his voicemail.
"Hey, it's me again," I began, "I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I can't help worrying about you out there, please just let me know you're okay when you get a minute. I love y-" I stopped myself and let out a sigh, not wanting to push things. "Stay safe."
Tucking my phone in my pocket, I looked up at the ceiling and squeezed my eyes shut.
Please, just let him be safe out there. I silently pleaded, before bending low to pick up a fallen chair, attempting to distract myself by tidying more of the rubble at my feet.
By the time that night began to fall, the aftershocks had eased off and I was finally able to keep things on the shelves for more than a few minutes. I'd just finished putting another bag of shattered glass into the trash when my phone began to ring. I glanced at the screen and my heart leapt into my mouth as I saw Ross's name and photo flashing on the display. Beaming from ear to ear, I pounced on it, accepting the call before he could change his mind.
"Hey," I said breathlessly.
"Selena?" I was taken aback at the different voice on the other end, "It's Tuck," Ross's colleague explained.
My stomach lurched as I detected the worry in his tone.
"Tuck, what is it? What's wrong?"
"Ross is hurt, it's bad. He's on his way to LA General, you need to get down there."
I could barely breathe through the panic, my legs shaking beneath me as I clutched the counter for support.
"How bad?" I asked in a fearful whisper.
"He's not breathing, Lena."
I let out a strangled sob, dropping my phone and grabbing my keys, sprinting out of the door in a heartbeat, desperate to get to his side.