let them boys be

(i'm sorry i'm not him)

Summary: I'm sorry you're in love with my brother even though my brother's in love with someone else. I'm sorry I like you the way you like my brother. I'm sorry I'm not him. 
Tags/Themes: brother's best friend thing. unrequited love but new interest (?). tiny age gap.
Warnings: don't be an apologetic mushroom like sakurai---- there is nothing wrong with who you are. super long.

(i'm sorry i'm not him) -    

Since before I could ride a bike, Jordan was my brother's best friend. 

He was there for every family barbeque, he was there for every birthday party, he was there from when my brother fell off his skateboard and skinned his knees to when Duncan backed his car into the neighbour's mailbox. Jordan was almost always over at our house because it was livelier here, he said (he's an only child). Jordan had the same music tastes as Duncan had and they were both athletic and were both declared MVPs and voted our school's Most Wanted Prom Date. I grew up under both their sunshine, and I knew no different.

So when Duncan came home late with Rachelle that night, both of them laughing and pink in the face, I looked over at Jordan and clenched my own fists. Because even though my brother was his bestest friend in the whole freaking world, I was certain I was the only one who could see the pain that Jordan was trying so desperately to hide in his blue, blue eyes.

//

"Hey, kiddo, what are you doing?"

I looked up, fingers pausing on my work in progress. My eyes meet Jordan's familiar smile, and I can't help but feel my own lips being tugged up too. "Art project," I replied.

"Origami?"

I hummed, resuming my fierce concentration in folding the coloured pieces of paper. 

He flopped down next to me on the living room floor, picking up a red square piece of paper. "I can never remember how to fold these even though they teach it to us every friggin' year."

"It's not that hard," I say, smiling. "You just have to be careful not to forget to do the same thing to the other side."

He huffs. "This is why I get paper cuts and then shake my fists at the world."

I laugh. "I thought you've matured past the immature rebellious teenager," I say.

"Yeah, but there's still a month to go before graduation and adulthood, so I'm excused."

I look over at him. He's got his tongue stuck out as he tries to imitate my steps, and even with his fierce frown of concentration he still looks like he belongs on a movie set. "Where are you going after June?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Probably not far." He grins at me. "Don't worry, I'll still be around to bug you and embarrass you in front of your friends."

I roll my eyes. "I've already got an idiot older brother for that."

"You're right. Speaking of that idiot, where is he?"

I look back down at the rose pink half-a-bird in my hands. "He went out an hour ago."

There's a little pause, and I peek up at Jordan. He's gotten very good at his poker face lately, so it's almost unnoticable that tiny trace of disappointment in his forced neutral expression. I let him pretend, knowing that there's nothing I could have done anyway.

"Great friend he is," Jordran huffs good-naturedly, acting like he doesn't care at all. "Doesn't even bother to tell me that he's ditching me. Who'd he go out with? The baseball crew?"