Not a Monster Anymore (Double Crossed Book 2)

Chapter 24

Mr. Zeraf comes back into the room holding a little orange bottle. He doesn't have his notepad with him anymore, and when he presses the little bottle into my palm, I can see words written on his hand, like he writes everywhere, regardless of what he's writing on.

"You need to take one of those twice a day. One in the morning, one in the evening. That should help fix our problem."

I look up, raising an eyebrow as he says the last bit. "Our problem?" I ask.

He nods. "Yes. We're going to fix you together, so I'm every bit as responsible for the results as you are."

'Things will work quicker with someone else helping,' Dib says, pretty much reading my mind and responding to my skepticism.

"Yeah, I guess they will," I respond. Then, realizing what I'd just did, look up with panicked eyes at Mr. Zeraf, who looks confused. Of course. I'm the only one who can hear Dib for whatever reason.

"Were you just talking to..." He looks like he's about to say a name, but then catches himself, ending his sentence with, "yourself?" My brow furrows at his hesitation, but I answer.

"No, I was talking to... Dib. He was..." I trail off, trying to think of how to explain it. "We were close. But then he died. Physically, I mean. I can still... h-hear him." I feel my face heating up with the embarrassment of having been heard talking to seemingly no one.

I feel the air around me shift slightly, like Mr. Zeraf has tensed up next to me. Maybe he has. But his voice is completely normal when he says, "I see." Nothing else. No questions, he doesn't write anything down. He does, however, draw out the second word a little bit, as if thinking of something as he says it.

After a moment of awkward silence, Mr. Zeraf clears his throat quietly and says, "You can take one today when you get home, and start with the two a day on Friday." He places a hand on my back, slowly applying pressure, as if to tell me that I can go now. I take the hint, walking out the door, which is still open from when he left.

---

"Did you think that was weird?"

'What do you mean?' Dib asks, though the tone of his voice indicates that he already knows exactly what I mean.

"The office. Mr. Zeraf. The whole 'our problem', and him almost saying a name when he heard me talking to you. I thought it was weird. Is that a normal thing that therapists do?"

'I wouldn't know,' Dib answers, and I can imagine him shaking his head as he says it. 'I've never been to one. Not until today, at least.'

"Humans always do that weird thing where they want to help other humans that they don't even know," I say, crossing my arms. "When he said 'our problem', maybe... maybe that's what he was doing. Trying to make himself feel like he was part of all this, so he could help," I say, desperately trying to relax myself. I'm sure it was normal. I'm just overreacting. And I should cool down, because if I get too stressed...

Speaking of which... I take out the little orange pill bottle, pushing and twisting the cap to reveal the little capsules inside. Blue and white, the colours seemingly splitting the pills down the middle. I swallow one, which isn't too hard without water, surprisingly. Then again, I don't know how much water I could handle in my system anyways. The taste is strong and bitter.

The effect comes almost instantly. I can feel a weight being lifted from my shoulders, like the guilt of my past has been washed away. I didn't think Earth medicine worked this efficiently.

"That feels a lot better," I say.

'That's good,' Dib responds. 'Without the stress on your shoulders, it'll be a lot easier to figure out a long-term solution.'

He sounds a little bit quieter than usual- shallower, like he's underwater- but the tone of his voice sounds the same. I can't tell if I'm just hearing things or not. Really, I can't rule anything out. I've already established that I'm insane.

I gaze down at the container in my hand. There's only enough pills for maybe a week and a half, so I'll have to go get more when it's empty. I can only guess that he sent me home with just one bottle in case they didn't work like they were supposed to. But I think the calmness rippling through me is a good sign.

For the past little while, I haven't really been able to sleep well, but the effects of the pill seems to relax me enough to make me realize that I'm insanely tired. My movements feel extra smooth as I make my way to my room, and I can only remember falling onto my bed before I'm asleep.

---

When I finally wake up, I honestly can't tell what day it is. I'm not used to being relaxed by sleeping, so waking up fully rested is very disorienting. I rub at my eyes with the heels of my hands, blinking as I look around the room. There aren't any windows down here, of course, so the room is dim with the small bit of my night vision.

"I should probably check what day it is," I say. "Just in case I need to take a pill."

'Good idea.'

The kitchen feels emptier than usual, and the air around me feels more silenced, which somehow makes it feel pressurized. But the pressure is sort of calming in a way. My emotions are all confusing right now.

"Everything is weird," I say, leaning onto the table. The buzzing of the fridge is distracting, and to take my mind off of it, I call out, "computer!"

"What?" the computer asks, sounding disinterested.

"What day is it?"

"Thursday, December 4th 2036," comes the response, still in that sighing, bored voice.

So it's only the next day. I didn't sleep through a week, which is good. I glance at the pills, which I'd left on the counter yesterday. Mr. Zeraf had said to take one in the morning and one in the evening, but was I supposed to start today?

"I... I think so," I say unsurely, reaching for the bottle and unscrewing the cap. Dib doesn't protest, and I place one on my tongue, tasting the bitterness again. It would probably be diluted by water, but, again, I don't want to test my luck.

Again, the effect comes in just a few seconds, making me feel light, almost uncomfortably so. Like I'm so relaxed that I feel like I'm forgetting to do something, much like a student procrastinating on a project, knowing full well that it's due the next day.

A looming sense of diluted dread. That's the best way I'd think to describe it.

The buzzing is a bit louder now, like my head has been hollowed out, and now is nothing more than a black void, leaving room for an echo. I grab my disguise, hoping that things will be a bit more peaceful outside.

The noise of everyone running around and talking kind of mutes the buzzing a little bit, but I can tell it's still there. I don't think it's the fridge. Is it a side effect of the pills? My hand still feels empty without Gir's leash, and I clench and unclench my fist to try and compensate for the empty space.

"There are lights everywhere," I say. I wait for a few seconds, but Dib doesn't say anything. My eyebrows pull up. Is he still here?

The world feels kind of disoriented, like I'm seeing things through a window, and not actually where everything else is. Just to be sure, I stick out a hand, waving it around a bit to make sure I'm not actually behind glass. I'm still not entirely convinced, even when my hand doesn't hit anything. I walk slowly, just in case.

"I don't really know where I'm planning on going," I say out loud, hoping Dib will respond this time. He stays quiet. Where is he?

Is he ignoring me?

The thought sends a wave of panic through me. Did I do something wrong? I don't remember anything that happened that would have provoked him. He was talking to me before I went to sleep yesterday, what happened? He's always here, why is he ignoring me?

My breathing quickens. "No, no no no no, he's all I have left, he's the only one left," I mutter to myself, trying to calm down, though desperately failing. "He can't be gone, oh god, no, he can't be gone." I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling a few tears slip down my cheeks.

"You can't be gone..."