Not a Monster Anymore (Double Crossed Book 2)

Chapter 28

Raz keeps her eyes down as we walk into the lab. She didn't talk while we were getting down here, either. Whether it's because of the news about Dib, or something with the discovery of Zeraf's damaged Pak, I don't know for sure, but I'm a little startled when she looks up and actually smiles.

"Oh, Tallest Almighty," she mutters, her eyes lighting up. She waves her hand in front of her, almost dismissively. "Okay, I know I said that I hated the Irkens, it's just force of habit for me to say," she says quickly, all in one breath, "but I just missed the labs so much!" She looks at the equipment like it's an old friend, though with much more awe.

"It's all a bit rusty," I butt in, trying to snap her out of her trance. "I haven't exactly been using it very recently."

Raz nods. "Yeah, totally, totally, totally," she mumbles, her voice still far away. Then she clears her throat. "Right, your Pak. Well... I guess we could just clear off this table," she starts, running over to the middle of the room and taking things off of the table, placing them on the surrounding counters. When the table is clear, she gestures to it. "There you go," she chirps, "we can start just when you jump up here."

She sounds like a child.

When I'm up on the table, she grabs a pillow out of her Pak and wedges it under my head. Something about the gesture seems familiar, but I can't quite place it. "This table's got a bit of a hard surface, so we're just gonna cushion your head here," she mumbles, clearly ready to start working.

Without warning, she pops open one of my Pak compartments, and I can feel her jump back when she sees my Pak legs, but she stays quiet, leaning back in and parting the severed legs to see further into the pocket.

"Okay, so, this little disc... thingy," she murmurs, "is what's making it so easy for you to shift. You know, like, between the two 'you's." I already know what she's talking about, even before she plucks it out and brings it to my face. The overwhelming depression comes back, and I groan.

"Is there a way to get rid of the crippling depression when that's out?" I ask dryly, adjusting my arms so that they're below the pillow.

"What?" Raz asks. "I... that doesn't sound right. What do you mean, exactly?"

"I mean that I'm somehow more happy with that thing connected to me." I roll my eyes. Apparently I'm also less of an asshole. How ironic.

"Okay, I can probably figure that out," Raz says quietly, her voice filled with forced optimism. She starts to mumble to herself. "So, if the disc is... okay... it's supposed to... change the chemicals... and if it... wait. Wait, okay," she says, louder now. "Okay, so the disc was meant to leave you as the bad Zim. Like, all the time. I messed around with it, so that it wouldn't, you know, do that." I nod slowly, confused still. She talks too fast. "So, like, the part that makes you bad, it's probably still acting on you to make you act like the Tallest wanted. So, like, your feelings would have been suppressed. I think." Her hands wave around a bit as she explains to me, and when she's done, they tap against the sides of her legs.

"So, can you fix that?" I ask. Her eyes shift to the side.

"I... don't think I can," she murmurs. "See, there are total drawbacks to the advanced Irken technology." She takes one hand, holding out a finger, "If an enemy were to be fighting one of us," she stops momentarily to hold up her other hand, "and they somehow stole something that our soldier was using to fight them, and used it against us, we would have to stop a lot of activity in order to stop that device from having negative impacts on whoever it was used on."

"Shit," I mutter. "I didn't think I could hate the empire even more." I shake my head in disbelief. "So, either I feel like crap twenty-four seven, or I possibly terrorize everyone around me if they so much as mutter a negative word. Great," I growl.