Chocobiscuit (AFF)
Jiwon does not know what to get for Hanbin on his birthday.
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"Do you need anything else?" Asked the employee.
Jiwon didn't know what to do. He had made the employee put several items on the counter, in hopes that he could finally choose a little gift. But now, looking at all the things on the counter, he wasn't sure. Nothing there matched the feelings he wanted to transmit with the gift. But he had been there for about twenty minutes and now the employee was waiting for his decision...
"Oh...I'm sorry" He said finally, feeling a bit ashamed. "They're all good, but I'm not sure"
The employee smiled knowingly and then asks "Maybe you want to choose a gift from the heart?"
Jiwon looked at her in surprise. That was exactly what he wanted to give his lover. "Yeah, that's it...something from my heart"
"I'm afraid you won't find it here. If your gift is in your heart, then words would be the best gift" She stated simply.
Shaking his head, Jiwon gave the employee a frustrated, but appreciative glance "I know what's in my heart, but I don't know to express it. I can't express the love I feel with words, with a gift...I don't know what to do". Jiwon blamed on his public image right now. He had learned to hide his feelings so well that now that he wanted to express them, he didn't know how to do it.
The employee smiled supportively. "Well, I suggest you invite her to dinner, the candle light and soft music can help make the feelings flow out"
That was so cliché. It should be good, but it was what every lover expected and...no, his lover was too special. Jiwon sighed, still frustrated.
"Well maybe, I don't know. I apologize for...this" He said, pointing to all the things on the counter.
Not knowing what else to say, he left the shop. Once he was outside, Jiwon thought about the words of the employee...'a gift from the heart'. He didn't think he could ever find a gift so precious.
Glancing at his watch, he came back to the studio. Tomorrow was the day, and he still didn't have any ideas about a gift. What could he do? Didn't he know his lover well enough to know what he would like? He spent the rest of the day observing him, wondering what he would like. Jiwon knew, of course, how different he was while working. He was just another person there, just little piece of his truly personality but nothing else. He was very focused on his work and his private life was completely separate from his work. As Jiwon continued to watch him, he sadly realized that he had no idea how to tell his lover how much he loved him and how much he needed him.
The sound of the alarm clock woke him up abruptly. It was dark but already 6 in the morning and they had to leave soon. Still sleepy, Hanbin stretched his arm to the place where his lover was but found...nothing. He panicked for a second. It wasn't possible. Looking around, he strained to hear or see something, but...there was nothing. Getting up slowly and still dressed in only his boxers, he left the bedroom. He found him on the couch, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Kimbab?" He asked, not understanding what had happened.
No response.
He stepped towards his lover and sat down on the couch beside him "Bobby, what happened? You're scaring me"
"I don't know. You always have the right words. You always just know the right things to say"
"What do you mean? I always say the right thing? What are you talking about?" He asked as he tried to pull Jiwon in an embrace but the latter refused.
"I've tried, really.... Yesterday, I left for a short while to find something for you, but I didn't find anything, I didn't know what to buy to make you happy"
"I am happy!" Hanbin interrupted quickly.
"...today" Jiwon finished. Hanbin smiled as he realized what Jiwon's problem was.
"I don't know how to tell you this. I'm so confused. I don't know how to make you happy. You're the one holding this thing together...between us. You're the one filling my cold world with kindness. You're the one supporting me. You're the one and only one person I love, but I don't know what to give you to show you how much I appreciate you"
Hanbin held Jiwon's face, forcing him to look him in the eyes. "This thing between us is...is the most wonderful thing I've had in my whole life. I was completely lost until you entered my life. I didn't know how to cope with my problems. I hadn't found a person who could really understand me or take care of me the way you have. I told you I'm happy. I AM happy! Do you know how important that is for me? I was never truly happy before you, but you've changed my miserable life. You, Kim Jiwon, gave me a reason to live. There aren't tears in my life anymore because I know you are there for me and I know I have a reason to be there for you. What do you think I feel every morning when I wake up and see you? There isn't loneliness anymore. How do you think I felt just minutes ago when you weren't in bed with me? The best gift you can give me is to just...be there. I don't want anything else. You are what I want, just you, just the way you are. Seeing your smile every day, seeing your eyes every day, sharing the kitchen, the bathroom, the bed...I've never felt like this before and this is because of you. So don't tell me you don't know what to give me. You've given me everything"
"Don't you see it, Hanbin-ah?" Jiwon said still sobbing, obvious touched with his lover's choice of words. "You know just what to say. And I don't. Damn it, I love you and I don't know how to express it. I'm pathetic"
"Did you hear a word I just said? You express it every day, every second you share with me. I'm the one learning here. I've learned about trust, kindness, compromise in a way I didn't know before. I love you and the only thing I couldn't bear would be you abandoning me" Hanbin sighed before adding "....That's the best gift you can give me. Just stay here. Don't abandon me"
"Only that?" Jiwon asked desperately.
"Only that" Hanbin replied without a doubt in his voice.
"Hap-Happy birthday, Hanbin" A still confused Jiwon said.
"Thank you. You know, it's my first birthday with you and it's the first time I wouldn't have to see my face reflecting in the mirror as I'm telling myself 'Happy Birthday'. I used to think my birthday means, I'll stay alone for one more year" Hanbin said smiling softly. "But now..."
"I'm here for you, Hanbin-ah. I'm here. I won't abandon you. Ever" Jiwon said looking at Hanbin with those cute eyes that Hanbin loved so much.
Hanbin pulled Jiwon closer, feeling his racing heart begin to slow down. Hanbin didn't want Jiwon to suffer because of him. Jiwon didn't know how important he was to him. He would work to make him know it in the future. Leaning down, he kissed Jiwon softly, tasting his lips. Then, he deepened the kiss trying to just melt into the feeling and noticing Jiwon's response immediately.
"It's getting late" Jiwon mumbled against his lips, suddenly breaking the kiss.
"Don't care'' Hanbin said trying to find again Jiwon's lips.
"Tonight, I promise" Jiwon said, after hearing Hanbin's insistent words.
"Okay, tonight" Hanbin finally replied hesitantly, knowing that he now had the most important reason to come back home.
