The List

#10: ditch school, necessary alice, you haven't missed school- ever

       

I think I was too nervous to be ditching two periods. Even as we left the parking lot, my eyes searched for Eileen and I had an irresistible urge to tell Ryder to stop and drop me off. But that was when we were still in the parking lot and exiting the school. Now, as Ryder drove down along massive hills that surrounded the town, with the windows cracked, I felt better than I had in weeks. I felt free and alive, the wind messing up my hair and blowing the salty beach air into my nostrils.

    "Ice cream?" Ryder proposed to Eros.

    A smile, something unknown to me, and practically everyone light up his face, "You're such a child Ryder, yes, let's go get ice cream, not something bad ass and cool like ditch school," he rolled his eyes.

    The smile was still on Eros' face, and I was fascinated, it was absolutely breathtaking and radiant, I wanted to smile as long as he was as well. For the first time ever, I felt comfortable with Eros, and it was a liberating feeling.

    Ryder took the rather simple route that led to Sandy's the ice cream parlor Eros worked at, the ice cream parlor that seemed to be their own personal spot, their safe zone.

    The sun was blazing on us, but the wind that circulated around the ocean cooled it down somewhat. We walked from the car to the small shop, a bell ringing as we walked in. Aria spotted us instantly and chastised, "Guys! It's school hours, what are you doing here?"

    Ryder smiled charmingly, "Aria! Eros and Alice have had a rough day and I thought ice cream was the best way to remedy that!"

    I watched as Aria scooped the ice cream into the cones, not even asking what Eros and Ryder wanted, "I agree that ice cream is a good way to remedy that, though I think you could've done it after school!"

    Eros grabbed the cones from Aria smiling warmly, "It was such a shitty day that it couldn't wait."

    She looked at him disapprovingly, "Well, it's already done, don't do it again," she turned her attention to me, "Alice dear, I know their orders by heart, but what's yours?"

    I opened my mouth to reply, but was unexpectedly cut off by Eros, "She'll take a single scoop of chocolate chip in a cake cone Aria," Eros was standing behind the cash register, putting in cash. "And I'm paying for our ice cream."

    Ryder and I turned to him, flabbergasted. He just not only paid for our ice cream, which is more than I'd ever expect from him, but he ordered for me- correctly. He remembered, from the day Ryder and I had come in a week ago, and I was shyly happy because of that.

    He looked back at us blankly, "What? Ryder you always pay for me and Alice," he regarded me passively, "I'm at fault for the shitty day you've had, it's the least I can do."

    I melted.

    That was the cutest and purest thing Eros had ever said to me. "You're not at fault for my bad day Eros," I said quietly as I reached over to Aria grabbing the ice cream from her hand.

    "Yes I am," his voice was strained as he returned to stand next to us, "you heard how that girl talked to you, how she insulted you because you spoke to me, honestly," he walked over to a table and slammed his fists on a table aggressively, causing it to shudder under the impact. "They idolize me like I'm a fucking God, I'm just a boy-"

    Ryder's legs traveled to Eros' stiffened body and he put an arm around him"Eros!" His voice was sharp "Let's go outside yeah?"

    I saw Eros nod and they exited, walking down the cobblestoned path to the beach, the sun glinting blindingly on the sea.

    "I'm just," I addressed Aria awkwardly, pointing my thumb in the vague direction of where Eros and Ryder headed, "gonna go," I left the shop without looking back, the bell on the top of the door ringing as I sped out.

    The boys sat on the beach, their shoes besides them, talking like normal boys, being friends like normal kids, because we were normal kids. Ryder stood, walking to the shore, his feet just brushing the water lightly.

    I replaced the space Ryder left by Eros with my body, not saying anything, just watching Ryder with him.

    "You have everyone fooled you know," he started.

    "What?" I tore my attention from Ryder's flailing body to Eros, to his piercing dark blue gaze, eyes that seemed to penetrate my very soul.

    "Do you actually enjoying tutoring?" Eros was leaning against his knee, face completely turned toward me, and as he spoke, the black lip ring shifted, "I mean, you've spent your entire life helping others and taking care of others, everyone's fooled that you like it."

    "i-I do like it!" I argued, frowning slightly.

    I liked helping other people, it's what I do, it's probably what I'll always do. I saw nothing wrong with what I did.

    His eyes narrowed slightly, "I'm no psychologist or anything Alice, but do you even take time to do things for yourself?"

    I stared back at him in shock, my cheeks reddening unexpectedly. I swallowed, throat suddenly drier, "I do," I protested, but to be honest, did I?

    He was uncovering things that I hadn't even spent time to think about, I rushed through life, helping others, tutoring, taking care of my sister, the most I did for myself was keep my good grades, which were in fact, my pride and joy.

    He pulled his lip ring into his mouth and turned to Ryder, ending the conversation between us.

    "I want to make things crystal clear Alice, you and me, we're not friends, and we're never going to be. Today was a rare instance- don't expect it to happen again," he said this harshly, resuming eating his quickly melting ice cream.

    I looked back at him, my eyebrows knitted in confusion, here I was, thinking things were going great between us. Well, not necessarily great, but significantly better than the first time we had met.

    "Alice!" Ryder's child-like voice called up to me, and my gaze focused on his hand that was holding the ice cream cone above the water. "Please! AH, God, stupid waves!" He yelled at the water that lapped around his legs.

    Somehow, in the two minute conversation between Eros and I, Ryder had managed to venture beyond just getting his feet wet, and now he stood, dark jeans pulled down slightly because of the water, thigh deep, desperately holding the ice cream cone above the water.

    "Come get this for me!" He pleaded.

    I pursed my lips at his figure calling, "Get out of the water you weirdo!"

    He turned away from me, opening his arm to the sea, as if he were beckoning for the earth to take him. "This is my home," he had said it rather quietly, and though the wind had slightly drowned out his words, the meaning shot right into my heart.

    This ocean, the trees, the hills, this was our home.

    Ryder and Eros didn't know that when I couldn't handle my dad, I sought comfort in the ocean, that often times, the ocean was just as angry and despairing as I was. I would lay on the shore, feel the cold sand surround me, and listen to the howling wind the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

    What I didn't know, is that both Ryder and Eros sought comfort in the ocean as well.