The List

chapter 18

 For years, I had spent my birthday privately, I'd bake a chocolate cake and cover it in blue frosting, sing to myself, and gift myself miscellaneous things that I had needed but never got around to buying. Sometimes Angelica would join in my solemn festivities and help with my cake, but for the most part, my birthday was spent by myself.

I think in retrospect, I should've been grateful for that private affair.

This year, I spent my birthday with Ryder, Eros, Henry, and many random teenagers.

Ryder had passed out his signature golden embossed invitations a week before my birthday, and for the first time in my life, I was the center of the attention.

Ryder freaking Thompson was hosting a freaking birthday party, for me.

And so, the night before my anticipated birthday party, I was found in Ryder's house, rushing around, hanging decorations and rigorously cleaning, my fingers raw from cleaning fluid, the once pretty nails Claire had painted rubbed away angrily with bleach and other cleaning fluids.

I frowned at a floral piece I had terrible attempted to arrange, the colors of the flowers clashing in such a way, I wanted to hurl. Tilting my head, I grabbed the pink daisies, pulling them out of the vase, hoping that peonies and roses did look good together and I wasn't just fooling myself.

"Alice!"

I lifted my head from my current job, listening closely to the voice that could be heard up the high staircase of Ryder's house.

"Yes?" I called back to Ryder.

"Can you come here really quick?"

Sighing, I picked up the daisies and dried off their stems, placing them into another vase that had to be filled with flowers, standing from my stooping position to climb the massive carpeted stairs that I grew to love, opposed to the hard, solid hardwood steps in my father's house.

"Yes?" I called again, turning into the dim hallway, squinting to see Ryder and Eros, Ryder beaming at me, somehow exuding a light that came from within, not even the slight darkness of the hallway could dim Ryder's light. Eros although, blended more into the darkness, the shadows casting a deepness upon his hollowed cheekbones and evident eye-bags, his piercing gaze seeming to be the only thing that cut through the dimness.

"This is Eros' room," I turned my attention from a darkened Eros to Ryder, who had affectionately patted the bedroom door that was next to his. He walked forward, patting the door that was across from it, turning to me with a wide grin. "And this is yours. Happy early birthday Alice."

I raised an eyebrow and pointed at the white door. "This, this is my room?"

Ryder's grin faltered momentarily, but he still remained as cheerful as always. "That's your room Alice. For when I force you to attend my ridiculous parties and you have no desire to go home, when you need a safe place."

I tilted my head further. "And this is my birthday present."

This time, Ryder frowned, deep creases pulling down his smile. "This house, it's always empty, just Maria and I, and those lovely 3 days my parents come home. But with the addition of Eros, and you too Alice, it became a home, our home. I want you to know that, this house will always be here for you, when you need a place to crash, when you need to gorge yourself on ice cream, when your father becomes too much," Ryder reached into his back pocket and pulled from it a NYC key chain that held a single brass key, a key to his home.

"This can be your safe place."

My eyes had filled with tears at this explanation, his kindness affecting me a whole lot more than he or Eros would ever understand, and I shamefully rubbed at them, choking a laugh. "Ryder! Why do you have to make me cry?" I looked up at him, his sorrowful stance, he was genuinely hurt he made me cry, but thrusted the keys at me nonetheless.