Fight for You

| Eight |

2010

There had been no further communication from Muse-Less. It seemed that they had fallen off the face of the earth. I had posted plenty more since our last exchange but there had been no comments on any of my posts which was strange as they usually had plenty to say about my work. There was no activity on the Muse-Less blog either. I didn't hold my breath for their return maybe it was one of those accounts that had simply lost touch with the blog world, given up on the idea and moved onto other things. The account didn't seem to have much web traffic since its inception either and I was saddened by the lack of appreciation for such an artist.

My blog had been doing really well. I'd had a few requests from followers in my area wanting me to do a shoot for them and I felt slightly guilty having to let me down gently letting them know I wasn't the kind of photographer that worked like that. I preferred spontaneity, unrehearsed moments and expressions. When photo shoots were directed by me, they had always ended up tense and forced and it showed strongly in the resulting photographs. No amount of editing could rid the subjects of the memory of those feelings. Stolen moments were golden moments in my eyes.

I don't exactly know how it happened and what triggered it but I was going through a phase of lacking inspiration. My camera had been tucked safely away in its case for much too long. There was no new material for me to post so I was having to dig through masses of files trying to find something worth posting. When I eventually did find something to post I didn't seem to be overly enthusiastic about the pictures. I had simply been posting for the sake of keeping active for the followers.

My lack of inspiration and motivation had carried over to other areas of my life too. I was struggling to get out of bed most mornings, dreading facing the world. Work was hectic with a lot of contracts up for renewal causing my workload to increase dramatically. I didn't want to go out with friends. I had missed an engagement party, a yearly catch up with friends from high school and a gig for one of my favourite local bands. There was something not quite right with me and I couldn't put my finger on it. Everyone around me had simply put it down to added stress from work. It was as if my behaviour was normal. I knew it wasn't but I couldn't seem to communicate with them that I wasn't okay. But I had things to do, I had to carry on and push through. I had an overflowing inbox of messages to clear for the blog first.

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Hi Whitney,

Is everything okay? Your blog isn't the same. You seem to have lost your wit and spark.
Muse-Less

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Whitney,

I apologise for my earlier message. I was out of line.
What I meant to say is - Your posts seem to be lacking the same inspiration they previously had.
Muse-Less
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After not hearing from Muse-Less for some time, I was surprised and thankful. I remembered messages we had previously had. Muse-Less was so honest about the woman in the paintings and the emotions she evoked. The message I received about being seen, really seen, had unnerved me and made me feel slightly exposed. I still hadn't deciphered if it was just a figure speech or something deeper than that. I had tried so hard not to let my current state of mind show in any way on my blog. Fears of the way I was feeling being noticed by just anyone were so real. There was something about the way that Muse-Less seemed to know what was going on without even knowing that made me feel worse that no one close to me realised my state of mind. The timing of these honest messages was uncanny and ever so slightly curious. I wanted desperately for someone close to me to be alert to the way I was feeling but they all seemed oblivious. Muse-Less seemed to know so much.

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Muse-Less,

Do you ever lose inspiration? Feel like you aren't sure where your passion has gone?
Whitney
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