Questions: Why?

15

After all

I wake up with sweat on my face; Mali is standing next to me "You've yelled, so I came to here to awake you," she look at me "Again the dream with Tom?" she's worried "No, I dreamed that some woman is yelling at Jordan and at me." "What she wanted?" "I don't know. But then then she shot Jordan, I mean, she wanted to shot me but" "Maybe you should stay in bed today. I'll let the teachers know that you're sick." She says "Try to calm down, maybe you'd like to read a book?" she asks "No thanks." I say.

In my head I try to think, but nothing is showing up, how someone can call it a dream if I felt like it was reality? But deep inside I know that it doesnt matter, no one would ever understand my feelings until that they will feel it too. I think that this day, I need to feel normal, or to act like I'm normal. It would be a bad act, but at list I will try. I hold my pen and my notebook and start to read what I wrote last history lesson. I feel my eyes gets close, I feel so dreamy, like I can't stop on sleeping. But I'm afraid from my dream. And deep down I wonder how did I got to this situation that I'm afraid from my own dreams.

I swear that I see a shadow moving in the woods "Nash has you saw that?" I ask "No, what was it?" "It was some shadow, of a boy in our age, I felt like it was," I feel afraid to complete this sentence "Like Jordan." I finally say it, loudly "I know that it's hard for you, and I hope that you know that I'm here for you whenever you need me." He holds my hand "But darling," he looks into my eyes "Jordan is dead, you have to move on!" "I can't Nash," I shake his hand off me "He's dead, and you know what? I'm sorry that I'm not buried instead of him." I wake up and go.

I wake up sweaty again, but now, I can't see anyone standing next to me, probably because they are in some lesson now. Only I'm alone here, they think I'm sick, maybe they think that I'm crazy, but all I know, is that my dreams are here to tell me something. And as long as I think about it I understand how true it might be! Maybe I should sleep again, maybe this dream make it all clear. But what's weird is that I feel so sleepy, like I havent slept for days.

I hold his hand "Paris is beautiful! Isnt it?" Nash asks "It is. Nash" "What darling?" "I am not ruining your travel here right? I feel like I make you upset because I'm upset" "You're not making me upset darling. But I want you to enjoy the city's beauty!" he says "To the Eiffel tower?" he holds my hand "Yes. But how far is it?" "Lets go with the metro, we'll get there fast." He says and run with me. I let myself forget everyone I lost this year, everyone that died, for me. "Open your eyes," he says "It's amazing isnt it?" he asks again like he done a few minutes ago "Yes it is." I look at the shining Eiffel, how the lights shining together and makes it look so beautiful. Nash holds my waist and take me far to sit down on the grass "It's beautiful, Nash, thank you for taking me to here." I say "No problem darling, I'm here to help you forget everything, to delete the past for the next minutes, as long as I can." His eyes looking deeply into mine, and his look on his face, I saw it thousand times, and I know that this is his loving face for me. His thumb caress my cheek, he pulls me into his magic, something I dont want to stop. He gets my head closer to kiss me, and the minute his lips touching mine I feel the same feeling I feel each time we kiss, I feel his love, I feel his warm lips, and how it make it all better. "I love you." He whispers in my ear "I love you too."

"Hey." Nash looks at me with his loving face "How are you? Mali told me you're sick" "Yes, I was but now," "I feel much better." "Really? What was your dream this time?" he asks, his thumb caressing my face slowly, his eyes is looking at me "We are on travel in Paris, and then you took me to the Eiffel towel, and we kissed." "I understand why its a good dream." He says and smiles.

I open the book Nash brought me 'Until the end' the name write with big letters on the front. I just sit down, I breath the clean air that comes in through my window. I feel the warm sun on my legs, even though it's hot outside, inside its feel warm, and I feel happy now. Even if it's not for long. I read about two kids that trying to save the world from mean people, and they fall in love, I just sit down and read five books in a few hours. I smile each time that the main characters kissing. I smile when I read that they win. And if to be honest I already read the first book before 3 years, somehow I still remember everything. Each detail. And actually I have no idea why I havent finished those books a lot before. When I think 'I wish that my life would be that interesting' I chuckle when I remember that my life doesnt that different then hers. But in my life I love only one boy, and its Nash.

When I finish the fifth book I throw it away, the end was amazing, surprising, and for me, it was sad. Because I really liked this book.

Once Jordan told me that people outside see movies in weird TV. I can't understand why people like to see movies, the books always much better! And I dont need to see movies, I think them. When I read a line or a scene I can see the characters in my mind, and like a camera, it moves from one to each other when they talking or not talking.

I go down the library when it's already night, to bring the books back because I finished them all. I see Nash and Jordan and January sitting together, doing homework, I guess that Mali is painting alone now, and Tom prefer to do homework alone. When Nash sees me he wakes up and goes to me "Hey! You arrived exactly when Jordan and January is going," his hand on my face, his eyes are looking into my eyes "How are you feeling?" he asks "Better. The book helped me to be better." "What a magical book!" he smiles and kisses me a short kiss, but when he kisses me it feels like the whole world is stopping.

"I want to see if Jordan is going to kiss January finally" I say to him "What a couple name would we give to them?" I suggest "No there are two singers that called that name!" he says "Maybe Joruary?" he say "No." I say and laugh, and so does he.

On my way to the roof I count my steps. "Twenty, twenty one, twenty two" and then I stop, I see two legs that don't belong to me, they're belonging to "Jacob."

"We haven't talked a while." He says, his voice sounds relax, unlike me "I really wonder why" I say, my voice sounds mad "Can we put the past in the past?" he try to touch my hand, but I move it before he touch me "Just to be friends!" he says "I dont think that I can do this, to be honest ." he holds my arm "At list try." His voice still relaxes. I shake his hand off me "I won't." I say and go.

"Wait!" "No I won't Jacob, I'm done with you. To forever." Now he holds my hand even harder "You'll come back on you feet's begging me to forgive you, I won't." I chuckle "I would never regret, NEVER." I say and go. This time he doesnt say anything. He just looking at me, I feel his eyes staring at my back.

"You will." I hear his voice once again, but he's not there anymore.