Remember Me

아무도 없는 걸 느낄 때면

  What a shame, I've been waiting all morning for him, but now he's standing in front of the class like an idiot. I guess that's just the type of person he is, causing trouble everywhere. But at least he's moving along with his life. Meanwhile I'm here, standing still, just looking back. Looking at the past, the past that I can't change, the past that I don't want to change, the past that I want to live through again.
  I miss those old days, when I spent every night playing chords and writing notes, when I spent every morning groggily trying to move myself to school, when I spent every afternoon laughing and fooling around with my friends.
Why is everything the same now, no matter how bright the sun shines, I still feel as gloomy as ever. Why am I even still alive ? Why am I even here ? Why would people even want to keep me ? Ugh... Why am I even being like this, I'm disgusting.

"Please open page-..."

I guess I'll just study, maybe I can land myself a scholarship and be less useless and burdensome to other people...

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The school bell finally rang, signalling a temporary end to a student's misery. Such sounds sadly don't save me from my misery, not like I can hear it. The vibration made by the loud noise tickles my ear. I groaned as I dragged my lazy ass depressed self to the canteen. But before I exited the class, I felt a pat on my shoulder.

"Canteen ?" He asked.

I answered with a nod, and so we both walked to the canteen. I always have lunch with Seungcheol's friends. I don't really know them that well but they understand my situation and leaves me alone for the most part so I'm thankful for that. I'm the type of person that needs privacy.

As usual, the canteen is already packed full of people when we arrive. I can somehow make out Seungcheol's group gathered at one table already, with Jooheon waving his hand. Frantically.

"Oi-! Seungcheol, over here-!!"

We walked towards them with our tray of food. Seungcheol high fived all of them while I just stared at them. The menu today is disgusting, actually the menu is disgusting almost every single day, I'm just gonna eat some bread I brought.

"Coups, I'll be in the music room."

"Eh, —- yo- —— Jihoon-ah ?"

Hmm... What did Jooheon say ? His mouth moves too fast for me to read it...

"Will you be okay ?" Coupsie asked, slowly.

I just nodded and left them to head to the music room, not forgetting to throw away the disgusting tray of highschool lunch. I walked through the eastern hallway leading to the music room, there's barely anyone around. These hallways are usually rather quiet because half of the lockers were moved to the new building. But I remember if you listen closely enough you can hear either groans of pain or faint moans. Thank god I can't hear none of them anymore.

Once I get to the noisier part of the hallways, I instinctively walked faster and I arrived in front of the music room in no time. But before I can hold the doorknob, the door opened.

"Ah, hyung!" Seungkwan said, "T— —sic —— is be—- used for —ir now."

Boo Seungkwan, an underclassman with a wonderful voice, I wonder if I can write a song for him.. He's a pleasant person to talk to, but he talks too fast and gossips too much. Even though his voice is loud and I can hear him faintly, I can't make out the words he's saying. So I'd honestly rather text him.

"Used ?" I asked

"Yeah, for choir.."

"Oh, it's okay." I said with a smile, "Are you guys practicing afterschool too ?"

"Ugh.... Yeaa." He said weakly

I muttered a small 'Hwaiting~!!' with a smile encourage him. Seungkwan suddenly inched closer to me, and scanned me from head to toe.

"Hyung, —- —ok cute."

"Eh, what ?"

"Noth—-" He suddenly closed the door, and ran off somewhere towards the hallways. What's up with him ?

  With nowhere to go I decided to go outside to our schoolyard, which is always surprisingly empty, especially in the flowery area. Why ? Because couples these days are too busy making out in the hallways to be enjoying such romantic scenery outside.

There's a wide variety of flowers here, mostly because the school forced us to plant flowers during our orientation period. I planted white roses, it's hard to take care of but I tried my best and it's thankfully still alive up till' now.

  I walked around until found a good grassy spot on a  tiny hill, it's a bit breezy outside but with my pink sweater I'll be fine. The wind blew past my hair and tickled my ears. Reminded me a bit of a song I tried to write a while ago.

Just things like that inside
Drifting across your heart

I can never let go of

I closed my eyes and unconsciously sang the lyrics of that song, poetic words streaming through my head. It's been a while since I had moments of epiphany. Especially to write hopeful songs since my days are now mostly filled with sorrows.

I know i'm still a child now

I can't catch up to you yet
Only a little while more

"Whoaaaa-!!"