❝room 101❞ ➤ park jihoon {✔}

2 • giving up

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of depression and suicidal intentions. please do not read further if such content triggers. please skip to the next chapter right away.

2 | GIVING UP

JIHOON felt so free. When he's alone, he doesn't care about the people staring at him, the people judging him and everything. He cares only about himself.

He's just sitting on the sand, watching the ocean waves go back and forth. 

Why is the ocean so free? He thought to himself. Kahit saan gustong mag-tungo ng dagat, nagagawa nito. Bakit ba pakiramdam ni Jihoon ay kulong na kulong siya sa sarili niyang mundo? Rinig na rinig niya ang masasayang halakhakan ng mga batang naghahabulan sa dalampasigan. Everyone was at peace, everyone was happy. . . except him.

The aura of the place? They all scream happiness. Bakit ba siya nandito kung ang lungkot lungkot niya? Panira lamang siya sa view, panira lamang siya sa masayang larawan na ito.

Pinagmasdan niya ang pulso niyang dumudugo. A drop of blood fell, staining the flawless white beach sand. Hindi niya ito alintana, but he just stared at it for a few minutes. On his other hand, he was holding a broken glass. Probably from a wine bottle.

"Jihoon. . .ang tanga mo." He whispered to himself and turned his gaze, once again, to the beautiful view of the ocean, "Bakit kasi kailangan mo pang mabuhay?" Natawa siya ng mahina. He can even hear his friends telling him that he's alive for a reason. Park Jihoon has a purpose. But he just won't believe it.

"Purpose? Anong purpose ko? Ang mamatay?" He sarcastically added. Alam naman niyang walang nakakarinig sa kaniya so he continued talking to himself, "Bakit ba napakadami mong problema? Unang pasanin mo ay ang pagiging rank 1 mo. Bakit kasi naging sobrang talino ka pa. You're such a nerd, wala kang kwenta." Sa bawat salita ay ganun ding pinipiga ang puso niya sa sakit at lungkot. He didn't even notice that he was already sobbing.

"Pangalawa, bakit ka pa ba naging anak ni Mom at Dad? Dad's a business man. Mom's a financial manager. Jihoon, you're no one. You're a nobody. Hindi ka dapat nandito sa Earth." He looked sideways, nandun pa rin ang masasayang bata, naglalaro, "Pasanin ka, Jihoon. Sa buhay ng parents mo, sa buhay ng kaibigan mo. . .at sa mundo."

He readied the broken glass down to his wrist. He was readying for another cut, he was readying himself for his death. 

But he stopped.

May naalala siyang isang tao. Isang taong bigla na lamang nanggulo sa buhay niya. Isang taong nakakapag-iba ng mood niya. Isang taong sa tuwing makikita niya, ay bumibilis ang tibok ng puso niya.

Ellie.

Her name is Ellie. Jihoon wasn't certain about his feelings. But he knew that he likes her. Siguro crush? What a high-schooler term. Sa bagay, high-school pa rin naman siya. 

Ellie's words pierced straight to his heart. 'Yung advice nito, sadyang malalaking taga sa puso niya. He was deeply affected by them. Bakit? Kasi she has a point. She has a point and Jihoon knows it and he hates it.

Jihoon was a self-centered guy. Dati ay wala siyang pakialam sa iniisip ng iba. Wala siyang pakialam sa sinasabi ng iba. But what happened now? Ngayon. . . he's too focused on others' opinions. Alam niyang hindi siya mabubuhay ng maayos kung hindi tanggap ng iba. Hindi siya mababawasan ng tinik sa dibdib kung hindi niya masa-satisfy ang gusto ng taong nakapaligid sa kaniya.

Unti-unti siyang nakaramdam ng kirot. Physically and Emotionally. Unti-unti niyang nararamdaman ang sakit ng buhay, ang sakit ng sugat niya na siya rin mismo ang may gawa. Bakit nga ulit nasasaktan ang tao? Ah. . . dahil sa sarili nilang kagagawan, hindi ba? You won't get hurt if you're not attached. You won't get hurt if you hate mistakes. That's what he believes in.