Her Probation / Paul Lahote

THIRTEEN

Fern had settled into La Push well during those first two weeks. Well, that's what she let everyone believe while the sun was in the sky between her forced smiles. But at night she couldn't stop the truth from revealing itself in the form of reoccurring nightmares and fears that controlled her mind. When she closed her eyes, she saw Lorenzo lying beside her speaking nonsense as though he was a wise old man. The entire time she'd feel paralysed by her fear. The nightmares were a reflection of those fears and Fern knew that, but she could stop it from flaring.

It was common for her to wake up to her entire body shaking from that fear. Fern had grown accustomed to waking up to her heart pounding against her ribcage, sometimes it felt like it would break free and eject from her body. She doubted it was healthy, but while Lorenzo was alive she knew there'd be no remedy.

In her third week in La Push, she awoke with a scream of terror that put the house on instant alert.

Footsteps pounded up the staircase and down the hall and her bedroom door was flung open to see what had the girl screaming. In her bed, Fern was curled into a foetal position and shakes raked over her body so tremendously that Sue became worried she was having a heart attack. Sue placed her hand on Fern's shoulder in attempt to comfort her, but Fern flinched and began sobbing further into her pillow. Fern shut her eyes tightly and still saw his face hovered over her body and she felt his clammy grip on her wrists holding onto her tightly.

"Please, stop..." Her trembling voice mumbled. Sue and Leah exchanged a worried glance.

"What do we do, mum?" Leah asked in concern. Sue carefully put her hand on Fern's shoulder, but Fern flinched again and recoiled away from Sue's soft touch.

"Fern, it's okay, honey." Fern could hardly hear Sue's soothing words because her ears were filled with the sound of her thudding heart. Her mind was in frenzy, memories and images spiralling out of control. Fern felt control slipping form her fingers and tried to breath through the chaos, but the images were flashing too vividly and the air around her felt too thin. She could hardly breathe.

"Mum, she isn't getting better," Leah said. "Is she having a panic attack?" Sue nodded.

"Call Paul."

"But mum—"

"Leah, now. She's not letting me touch her or comfort her." Sue carefully sat on the bed beside Fern, but the moment she did Fern was hurtling her legs off the other side.

"I—I can't—" Her voice was hoarse from sleep and crying. Sue stood up again.

"Fern, it's okay. You're safe." Fern shook her head and pressed her palms to her temples, putting pressure on either side of her head.

"He should be here in a second, mum." Leah called softly from the door. Sue nodded and wearily stepped closer to Fern.

"Fern, honey. It's okay, breathe with me." Sue felt herself struggling to penetrate the state of panic that Fern found herself in and despite her soothing words, it was as though Fern was shutting her out completely. Her heart broke at the sight of the girl slide her back down the wall of the bedroom. She pressed her knees against her chest and continued to press her hands to the side of her head, as sobs left her lips.