Dear...whomever...

"Fuck It" Mode.

                  Yesterday, when speaking to my therapist, she informed me of something I thought I would share with y'all; She says that I have gotten so overwhelmed that I have reached "Fuck It" Mode. Nothing really makes me feel anymore. 

                  I get picked on at home and I just laugh along with them. I started cutting again and didn't feel guilty. I got over Jennifer. I got over Xitlalli. I admitted my lies without giving two shits about what people thought of me. My mother threatened to hit me, and I told her to do it already. My dad suddenly wants to be in my life, and the only thing I feel through all this is anger. 

                  I'm mad at the world. I know, what a typical teenage girl thing to say, but it's true. This world fucking sucks. I hate dealing with the shit that comes with this world

The voices are getting louder...more persistent.

Why worry about going to hell when I'm already there? 

I feel like a zombie now. 

I don't even sing anymore; It makes "Too much noise". 

I can't do anything! No way of expressing myself other than with this stupid fucking laptop. 

I need a release. Nothing sounds better right now than the blade piercing my skin, the blood that follows. I won't self harm though, because I don't feel like being locked up again. 

Just a warning...When you cage the beast, the beast gets angry. 

And right now, I'm livid.