𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 ── CASPER McFADDEN

𝐈𝐗. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋

quote: "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams," — Eleanor Roosevelt

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I TIE UP THE shoelaces of the old boots that were once my grammy Amira's. I look at myself, I finally had my wish. I got an escape. I could forget everything for tonight. I tie a blue bow in my hair, it was down. I pull and tie the bow to my hair. The locks fall onto my shoulders. I place my father's wedding ring on my thumb. It didn't fit in any other fingers of mine. I smile, glancing at myself in front of the bathroom mirror. I'm ready. I walk out of my room. Which does truly belong to Casper and it could never belong to anyone else. I walk down the main hallway and then muttering to myself about how important it was not to trip on the stairs as I approached them. I try to walk gracefully down the stairs, trying not to fall and it's hard when you're wearing a dress.

I see Casper, my mother and Kat, plus Abby waiting for me with a large smile on her face, clearly way too excited for tonight. Abby outfit was sort of similar to mine, just it was all out her. I hug my Mother and twirl for her. "Remember to be home by twelve." I laughed and I say hearing the newfound lightness in my tone, "Sure thing, mum." Then I move onto Kat and the happy look my face vanishes. "Make sure you look after Casper for me," I say, to her, returning the mother-like duty to her.

Kat nods with a smile, "I'm not three." I don't smile back. It was then when I moved into Casper and suddenly I didn't feel like going anymore but ignoring the sudden ache in my heart, Casper and I manage to show off our simple handshake that I managed to convince him to learn a few days ago.

I gave a toothy grin towards Casper, "I still am waiting on that dance, you know." I joke, trying to enlighten his mood and the sad look on his face vanishes almost insantly. "I'll be waiting." He says, smiling back and it was the smile that I loved more than anything. "And Casper?" I say as Abby hooks my arm in hers, "Just so you know you're the only boy I'd dance with." And somehow I make him smile even more and there was a look in his ocean eyes, that he truly cared. "At least you don't have to leave at ten!" He jokes still smiling uncontrollably as Kat snickers at the last part. They were out of sight, Casper was out of sight, far too quickly. Way too quickly and the ache only doubled.

I wanted to run back in there and play pirates again with Casper. I wanted to climb The Lake Tree. I wanted to go to the lighthouse or curl up in Casper's Mothers reading the room, or read his Mother's book to him. We walked down the gravel drive of Whipstaff Manor and Abby seemed to be annoyed now as it began to get uneven and more dirt than gravel. "We're not allowed to use Cars remember?" I state, "I would have gotten mum to drive us but you know the rules." Abby rolls her eyes, "Yeah I know, We have to walk." The night air was rather warm, I wasn't cold, neither was Abby. "You exited! You might get your chance to dance with Jason?"

"He's a jerk remember?" I state, more like spit in disgust. "Yeah, I thought...just, you know." She says, truthfully. I knew exactly what she meant, I crushed on him for years until my father died and it just vanished and I was happy for it. But even I knew these two years had changed a lot for me and Abby knew that too. "I know. I know." A long few minutes later Abby spoke her tone subtle and considerate, "He's why you don't have a date." She says with almost sympathy. "So?" I say guilty of the truth. "He's dead!" She exclaims, throwing her hands up in frustration and annoyance. "So?" I say again, I don't see her point. He's my friend. "May, your someone who deserves someone alive." She says reaching out for my arm. "He's my best friend," I say truthfully. "You are too, just he helped me. He was there for me, just as I am for him." I say. "I know May. I just feel like been gone for so long I need to be there for you. You needed me." I smile and hug her. Those words slapped me in the face. I realised how much I did need her and how much it hurt.

"I'm fine now. That's all that matters." I say pull away from our hug. "Hey May, just have fun tonight." She says with sympathy. The sympathy these days. We continue walking, I look at the stars in the sky. I didn't bring my phone and Abby had hers taken away because she forgot to water the plants in her garden and take the bin out. We didn't need them anyway. I didn't have pockets.

Like hello, grammy Amira, how did you survive!
It probably wasn't a problem for her but still, I have a point.

My eyes dart from the sky to Abby. "How can you walk in one of those. Yours is like a balloon, compared to mine." Abby makes a face of disgust as she examins my own dress."It's fun dressed up like this." She says avoiding who's dress was more of a ballon talk. "Yeah, I like it. It makes me feel like it's the one day I can forget everything. I have no problems, no issues, nothing."

"Deep much." She jokes, sending her signature smirk. "I like this day every year, even though Casper died on this day. It makes me feel alive and thankful for who I am today."

"Once again that was deep." She says, laughing. "It's not funny!" I slap her arm, which doesn't do much, by the red fabric that made her sleeves. It protected her. "Anyway who are you going to the festival with?" I say, my eyes darting her, my arms crossing over my chest. "Jesse." She says, biting her lip, nervously. "Oh that Jesse as in Jesse Jesse! The neighbour that you've had a crush on for years!" I laugh, smiling. "Yeah, it's better that I like someone that's alive." She says, as my eyes dart to my feet. That hurt.

"I don't like him that way," I say knowing that what I said was a complete lie. "Whatever, but you're just lying to yourself. It won't do you any good." Then I lift my skirts and run. "May!" Abby screams, running after me. Her dress was slowing her down. A laugh with the wind, I run, my feet on the concrete path. My hair flies behind me as I block out Abby screaming behind me to stop running. "Girl.." She puffs, "since when have you been able to run that fast?"

"Since I was born?" I say, unsure. "May look ahead." She whispers, her voice in complete and utter awe. In the middle of town, just before the Main Hall, the pavement and the trees were decorated with fairy lights, sewn across the trees. Picnic tables line the by the trees creating in the centre a dance floor.

A mellow yet comforting tune came from the band. I just wanted Casper to be here. I wanted him to be alive, more than anything in the world. Except he wasn't alive. He was the only person, who understood me in ways no one else does. He deserves to be alive and I see that it is his greatest wish. It's mine too, for the boy that I've known for as long as I can remember. Who on his day passed, from staying outside too long passed nightfall, of what is known pneumonia. It what hurt me most is that he was twelve years old. Casper McFadden was just twelve years old, and he is someone I'd call my best friend in the whole wide world. Forever.

— Edited: 24/08/2019