As Clear As Blood (A Merlin Fan Fiction)

[5]

The trees shook calmly in the faint nights breeze, sending goosebumps up Merlin's skin. He couldn't contain his fear much longer, Arthur was begining to question him too much. If he was to find out the truth... Merlin didn't even know what the truth was, there were so many secrets he had kept, so many secrets taking up so much room in his head that if one more secret was stuffed up there, he was scared they'd all spill out.

He felt like he was going crazy, looking out for Arthur, and then other people would die and it would be his fault, his fault because he'd kept an eye on Arthur a minute too long. It was driving him insane, and he could feel it and he wanted to just sit there and cry because one more scar on his body might worsen the hole in his head: split it in two, pour all his darkest secrets out for anyone to see. That would put people in danger. That would put Arthur in danger.

Yes. Merlin was the only reason Arthur kept getting in danger and he had to get as far away from him as possible to make sure Arthur stayed safe.

Merlin pulled himself up from the ground and cautiously escaped their small camping area. Then he ran as fast as his clumsy legs would let him. The wind hit his face angrily as if he was a punching bag. The tiredness in his weak body seemed to disappear as the unexpected coldness from the air rushed to him. He'd reached a lake, actually, not any lake. The lake Freya died next to. He broke down at the edge of the water, tears streaming from his sorrowful eyes. They made satisfying noises as they splashed gently into the lake.

He didn't know what he was thinking, however, at the same time he knew exactly what he intended. Carelessly he dived into the water. It was icy, and the water pulled him under and soaked him in coldness so his body went numb. Merlin continued swimming down the lake until he realised he could no longer see, no longer feel, no longer hear. No longer breathe. He felt the oxygen being  pulled from his lungs but he didn't dare stop going down into the painfully numbing water.