Ann is your average citizen living in an average situation...
Just kidding.
It's probably safer to say that she's below average and in an incredibly not average situation.
"I may be an otaku with no friends, but I am not an idiot. I swear."
This has "no effect" on the story whatsoever, it's just a little bit of backstory on Minx and her Grandma.
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"'Twas the night before Christmas and...."
"That's the wrong holiday, Grandma."
It was every serial killer's and scary clown's holiday today, Halloween. Kids were walking around, taking candy from random strangers that could possibly be poisoned while some took joy in wrapping people's houses in toilet paper. Drunks stumbled out of houses that were full of underage drinking and smoking and lots of teenage angst. But what was I doing? I was...staying home doing absolutely nothing! I know. Such a fun way to celebrate a once-in-a-year holiday. But hey, at least I'm not alone this year! I get to spend time with a 98-year-old woman!(Kill me now)
I listened to my grandma that was drunk on vodka tell me tales of her childhood while taking shot after shot and eating spaghetti.
"Same difference you...you delicious vodka." She seemed to be talking to me but suddenly started talking to her vodka bottle mid-sentence.
"Anyway," She slurred her words slightly while knitting a sweater out of her spaghetti, "How old are you again?"
"I told you 20 minutes ago, Grandma. I'm 16."
"Sure you are," She took a shot, "But when I was your age, I was 17." She took a shot once again.
"Grandma, you can't be my age if you were 17. Also, Mom and Dad will be mad if you drink that much." I attempted to remove the vodka bottle from her hand, but she downed it all before I could grab it.
"Today's children are so close-minded, don't you know that the only reason you're even here was that I fell asleep at a bar?" She pulled an entire bottle of whiskey from her sock.
"Grandma, Grandpa told me you met him when you stole his lunch."
"He's lying. Your grandpa was too dirt-poor at the time to afford a single peanut."
"But-"
"I'm late for bingo!" She abruptly stood up, swaying side to side. She seemed to be avoiding the question she knew I was going to ask.
"Grandma, bingo was yest-"
"Get outta my wayyyy!" She shouted. "I'm late for bingo!"
'Oh god, she's really drunk now. Doesn't even need a glass anymore. Just straight from the bottle.'
She wobbled to the door but fell on the floor on the way there. She lied there, as if she could make a snow angel out of the carpet floor. "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up! Call life alert!"
I got up from where I was on the couch and walked over to Grandma. She was drinking the whiskey that she got from her sock, saying something about "being able to see the light."
I tried pulling her up, but she was too drunk to stand on her own feet and I'm pretty sure the last time she got out of her favorite chair was bingo night, yesterday.
"Grandma," I tried asking nicely, "Can you please get up?" I put on my best smile that made me look like I was a serial killer while gently tugging on her arm.
"No."
"..."
"No."
"The power of Christ compels you." I held up a wooden cross to her.
"I thought you said it wasn't Christmas? Also, I'm a Buddhist that will one day be reborn as a dog so your words don't bother me." She seemed to be proud of the fact that she would be reborn as a dog, which I have no idea why.
"Grandma," I said, trying one more time to get her onto the couch, "You left your bingo card on the couch."
She looked at me, then at the couch, then back to me. "Well? What are you waiting for? Go get it for me then. You're not going to make an old lady wait, are you?" She scoffed then laid her head back down on the floor.
"I'm going to rip your bingo card up if you don't get it before me." An obvious bluff, but it's not like there was a bingo card on the couch anyway since I had already destroyed it yesterday after bingo night ended. Grandma probably thought it was in her pocket and then dropped it on her way to the door.
She sat up and glared at me the way she did when I wouldn't eat my vegetables. "You'll do what? Who do you think you are? You see, when I was your ag-"
"-e, you had to walk 2 miles up a snowy hill and another 2 miles walking down just to go to school? That's an old joke, Grandma." I lifted her up with my spaghetti hands while she was still in a sitting position.
"You blasted kids nowadays. Where's your respect for your elders? You know, you got 99% of your genes from me so you should be grateful that you're so smart and strong now. You even get to hear me teach you valuable life lessons! What more of a package could you get?" She struggled against my spaghetti arms pulling her up as if I was the purple dinosaur himself, Barn...acles the Purple Dinosaur.
"You got straight F's when you were in school and you stayed back more than once. Yes, thank you for your wonderful genes, Grandma."
"You're welcome."
"I was being sarcastic."
She seemed to be offended by my last comment but was too lazy to actually answer in human speech, the only response she gave was an eye roll. "Of course it was, I knew that. I was being sarcastic in response to your sarcasm. Also, those wonderful genes you've been talking about are from your grandpa."
Too tired now to actually fight with her anymore, I pulled her up and onto the couch. "Mom's going to be here in a few minutes, Grandma. Just sit down and...play your chinese checkers. Wait. How did you get a chinese checkers set? Did you steal it from the neighb-"\
"You think I steal everything! I got this from bingo night as a prize." She averted her eyes a little bit.
"Which bingo night? Yesterdays?"
"I won fair and square yesterday, I deserve this."
"Yesterday, Linda won."
"...."
I sighed. Grandma went back to knitting spaghetti and amazingly stopped drinking her alcohol. Mom eventually came back home with lots of pizza but Grandma and I were already asleep on the couch, too tired from bickering to eat.
I had intended to make this chapter longer, but I just recently found out that I got an F in Spanish class. I will admit that Minx was slightly based off of my grades and horrible memory.
Anyway, Happy Halloween!
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